Olivia Jackson

The Reality Of Having Endometriosis in New Zealand

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On the first day of Endometriosis Awareness Month WOMAN+ investigates an appalling debilitating disease that affects as many as 1 in 10 women in New Zealand. Sasha Borissenko finds there are barriers to getting a diagnosis and testing can be extreme.


Some bare facts of Endometriosis

According to a recent Endometriosis NZ study: 

  • Respondents required 5 visits to the doctor before receiving a diagnosis.
  • 67% of respondents said their pelvic pain symptoms caused significant problems with their partner.
  • 81% of respondents avoided sex because of chronic pelvic pain.
  • 32% of respondents said their pelvic pain symptoms prevented them from attending work and carrying out basic life tasks in the last 3 months.
  • 73% of respondents were scared to tell their employer about their pelvic pain because of fear it might affect their prospects.


Tara Forde, 34, once taped four boiling hot water bottles around her abdomen to cope with the pain. Initially, the 34-year-old thought she’d wet herself only to find that one of the water bottles had burst. The third-degree burns were no comparison to the suspected endometriosis. 

Endometriosis is a chronic inflammatory disease where tissue akin to lining in the uterus can be found on the pelvic, ovaries, bowel, diaphragm, scar tissue, bellybutton, and even lungs. Research has shown that the lifetime effects on a person’s work, education, and fertility can be just as destructive as cancer. 

Despite two laparoscopic surgeries at 19 and 28, doctors couldn’t find anything so she has never had a formal diagnosis. Doctors equally haven’t ruled it out. Forde was on waiting lists for almost a decade.

Globally, delays range from seven to 12 years. In New Zealand, a recent EndoCost study found patients experienced 8.7 years of delays. 

Exploratory key-hole surgery has traditionally been one of the only ways to get a formal diagnosis. If endometrial tissue outside of the endometrium is found on other parts of organs they can be cut out or burnt off.

The results of the surgeries were a relief at first for Forde, but nothing has been able to explain the pain that’s continued into her adult life. “I had about seven hospital admissions and I’d be screaming to the point where they’d have to sedate me. Because there’s no testing, you start to think that you’re crazy and it’s all in your head.”


UK research suggests 60% of people who have surgery will go on to have another. Half of those will have surgery within five years. 


Tara Forde


The ‘walking womb’ effect

Doctors have regularly told Forde to have a baby for pain relief. “Choosing to have a baby is a pretty life altering decision. You should want to have a baby not just to alleviate your period pain but because you’re in a good position to do so.” Eventually, she gave birth to her son and she’s got another child on the way. 

“Having a child has relieved some of the pain so maybe they were right, but I also resented the suggestion,” she says.  

One of the problems is that endometriosis is seen as a fertility or women’s issue, she says. 

“It feels like no one really understands what’s going on and there’s no one to really help you navigate it. The lack of research and wraparound support seems like it’s just another way of controlling women’s bodies.” 


The gender pain gap thanks to Endometriosis

Endometriosis is an enigma and there’s lots of things the scientific community still doesn’t understand, he says. 

It stems from misogyny in medical research. “The majority of research has been done by men on men, particularly around pain. It’s why we don’t know a lot about women’s bodies. It’s historical, but it’s changing slowly,” he says. 

Coined ‘the gender pain gap’, studies show men wait an average of 49 minutes before receiving pain medication in instances of acute abdominal pain. Women wait an average of 65 minutes, for example. 

While there are increasingly strong theories around genetics, immunological and environmental factors abroad, there’s virtually no New Zealand based research or funding for research, Wynn-Williams says. 

“We need to know about our own population, particularly in terms of equity and accessing services. We also need long-term data where we look into lots of patients – collect their data and histories, and what happens to them long term.

“When patients come to us we’re essentially the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff. Investing in research would eradicate this issue.”

Forde’s found solace in wraparound services including going to a pelvic physio, nutritionist, counselling for pain management, exercise services, and fertility specialists. They should be available and embraced to all endometriosis sufferers because “there’s nothing to lose by doing all of the things to take care of yourself”. 

Equally, the costs are a barrier, she says. The public health system may be free but the waiting times and referrals are tedious, and there are costs associated with going to multiple GPs, childcare, ambulance fees, taking time off, travelling to appointments, and annual leave when you’ve surpassed your sick day entitlements. 

“I feel it’s too easy for people to fall through the cracks. You’re either engaging with the hospital system or waiting for specialists that are impossible to access. Then there still aren’t any answers. You just kind of get kicked around until it resolves itself, you keep trying, or you give up and spend your life on opioids.”


Related article: Going under the knife, is it really the endo cure.


There are charities trying to do good in New Zealand you can read about one here.

Nuts About The Guy

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This content is the 1st story of a series. Find the follow up article here.

I recently embarked on a new romantic relationship and, as is often the case with new love, intimacy has played an important part in our union. Although we both agree we most definitely do not want to procreate. We have a combined age of 105 and four children between us, so there is no need to breed, no matter how giddy our newfound infatuation might make us feel.

In order to indulge in worry-free and eventually unprotected sex, I had a full raft of sexual health checks, because I’ve had more relationships than my new beau, who’s had just one careful lady owner. But, to pull his weight with regards to our passion project, this lovely fellow offered to have a vasectomy and I thought to myself, ‘what a good man’, to share the contraceptive load. After all, the ball is as much in his court as it is in mine.

Talking of balls, as luck would have it, this good man of mine is friends with a doctor who performs vasectomies so, within two months of us meeting, my new boyfriend made an appointment for the snip, and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world for me to come along for the ride. He was having a life-changing operation partly for my benefit, and I wanted to hold his hand.

Ordinarily I would cycle into Auckland City, because everywhere you turn the streets are being dug up and the congestion is horrendous – but the prospect of doubling a full-sized adult male who’s recently been knocked out on Midazolam did not seem practical, so I drove. But to locate the side street where I was to park proved nearly impossible. I took quite a few wrong turns and my map app was no help whatsoever. It had not been informed of the disruptions and detours.

With the operation scheduled for 2pm, at 1:58 I entered a bus lane although I was only to discover this later. Finally, I found the clinici, and once parked, I flew into the central city medical centre in a bit of a tizz – how could I be late for my boyfriend’s vasectomy? But I found my man in the waiting room, all calm and collected. I quickly matched my mood to his, because if anyone was entitled to flap it was him, and he was as cool as a cucumber.

Ushered into the consulting room, the doctor talked us through the procedure. He performed his preamble with a couple of quips about snips. He double-triple-checked that we were certain we didn’t want any more children, because we needed to understand that reversing a vasectomy is a lot more expensive and complex than the vasectomy itself.

In the operating theatre, the big fella was gowned up and asked to lie on the examination table, Midazolam was administered, his eyes fluttered shut and the procedure began. First, the nurse taped his penis to his stomach. Who knew that would be part of the deal? Maybe I shouldn’t have come. Then she pulled his testicles through a hole she’d made in the middle of a square of green surgical paper. There they rested, a pair of light burgundy testes, partially shaved to mark the occasion. They looked so lonely, resting there. Sensing I needed to feel useful, and do something other than gaze at my new boyfriend’s ‘nads, the nurse asked if I wanted to hold the patient’s arms, to prevent them from flailing and potentially knocking the surgeon out.

I was grateful to have something to do and I took my role very seriously, in spite of the patient’s deep state of relaxation, his gentle snores.

“You’ll feel a wee sting,” the doctor said to you, as he inserted slender needles into your balls, but you felt nothing. As the doctor went about his business, his plastic splatter-proof visor perfectly polished, he gave me a basic anatomy lesson. ‘Here’s the vas deferens,’ the doctor told me, pulling on a white tube, as if it were a dropped stitch in a testicle-inspired knitting project. I thought it looked like spaghetti, or a squid ring. I wasn’t too perturbed though, and briefly I thought about taking a picture. But I had not discussed that with the unconscious one and it would be rude to do so without having been granted permission. I dearly wish I had a picture now though, to illustrate this story.



I thought about recreating the scene for a photo shoot, but the editor of this fine magazine said that would not be necessary. As the procedure continued, I began to feel strange. A little off-colour, as if I’d been reading in a moving car. Then I heated up. My face started sweating and a cascade of perspiration ran down my cheeks. I had an urge to vomit, which happily I suppressed. What was going on? I must not puke on the patient, I said to myself as my mouth filled with saliva and, most important of all, I must not distract the doctor lest he damage the goods.

Just at the moment I thought I was a goner, the nurse returned. Simultaneously the doctor said we would smell burning, the cauterising of the flesh. I believe I changed colour. I was offered a drink of water but I am certain if I had just one sip I’d be sick, then I slipped to the floor.

Without knowing how I got there, I realised I was lying on the linoleum. It was smooth and cool on the floor, and it didn’t feel inappropriate to be there at all. In fact it felt like the most natural thing in the world. I felt quite at home on the floor.

Later my paramour with the knackered knackers would say that the only thing he remembered about the procedure, was opening his eyes and seeing me slip to the ground in a lady-like swoon and, possibly because he was still mildly sedated, it did not feel inappropriate to him either.

Happily, once I’d fainted, I instantly felt better and, after a sip of water, I recovered my equilibrium and was able to play nurse again and out we went to my car, off home to soothe his tender sac with frozen peas. A week later I was sent a souvenir from our medical adventure, a ticket for being in that bus lane.


House Tour: Trouthaven In South Africa

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A breezy pod cabin in South Africa’s remote Breede Valley combines dramatic views with pared-down interiors in an untouched landscape.

An untouched piece of land on the edge of a fruit and wine farm, overlooking a trout-heavy stream, is something special. It called for smart thinking and sensitive design choices to limit its visual impact on the environment. 

Floor-to-ceiling views and a prefabricated build that ticked comfort and affordability boxes were the simple brief given to architect Nikita van Zyl of ModHDesign, who collaborated with interior designer Kim Spyron of Oooh Interior Design on the project.

Kim was a regular camper at Trouthaven Farm, she relished the opportunity to bring her vision to the venture and took up the challenge. ‘My family enjoys spending weekends on the farm. I loved the idea of a simple pod structure that could be placed in the environment to maximise views, and prioritise privacy,’ says Kim. ‘From the moment you drive up to the pod, you have a sense that this is your little pocket of nature. Every angle, movement or position presents you with a magnificent view. ‘It radiates tranquility, ease and a sense of connection’, says Kim.   

‘Made of lightweight steel, the laser-cut structures allow for total accuracy so they canbe delivered on-site, flat-packed and installed in six weeks’, explains Dean Westmoreof Space Agency who built the Spaas Podular cabin. The 60sqm pod, with two bedrooms and en-suite bathrooms, was designed as a laid-back getaway with a ‘cabin feel’.

Presented with a petite footprint, Kim says that working with a small space required her to approach design carefully to ensure ‘everything had its place’. This functional approach had to be balanced with an ethereal one, ensuring the cabin felt connected to the context of the landscape around it. ‘It was very important that the layout, furniture and other elements worked together to give it substance. I wanted to balance the hard black steel outer structure with a strong connection to nature internally,’ she says. 

In short, she was led by ‘how it made her feel’ when designing the interior. ‘Perched on a mountain, it feels very airy and fresh, and I took this as my inspiration,’ she explains. ‘I set out to incorporate the element of air with my choice of materials and objects, which meant I was naturally drawn to neutral shades.’

The feeling of lightness and sense of expansiveness was also achieved with a playful approach to storage and fitted furniture. Recessed shelves were left exposed, and cabinets are wall-mounted, so they don’t touch the floors, for example. ‘We took this philosophy right through the design from choosing sheer curtains to a perforated coffee table and laser-cut chair,’ she says. 

Having to work very hard with the space available, the living space is centralised, with a combined kitchen and lounge, and a fireplace that multitasks as a barbeque. Storage and functional spaces were kept to the perimeter where possible to retain easy flow. ‘The challenge was to provide sufficient storage and functional space in the kitchen without hindering the seating space. We needed a simple, flexible way of integrating the two.  I intended to make it feel calm, airy and clutter-free,’ says Kim. 

A solution was to provide versatile seating configurations. Lightweight chairs can be shifted with ease towards kitchen conversations, or nearer the fireplace for a cozy nightcap. The hero of the space is a hanging chair that creates a ‘special spot’, and was installed to have a specific line of sight down the valley. ‘It can allow you to feel contained and private. But you can also swing one way to enjoy the view and swing back to participate in kitchen chatter,’ says Kim.  

The light timber cladding inside dominates the cabin, and Kim says they chose to embrace this feature and use the palette of the wood to make it part of the aesthetic. Anything added needed to blend or complement it, which led her to selecting blonde and neutral fabrics and woven elements, for example. Small concessions to glamour were made by choosing a white kitchen counter embedded with recycled glass fragments, and a bronze and marble coffee table. 

Compromises naturally had to be made because the cabin is small, but Kim seized this as an opportunity to treat the deck that leads from the kitchen/lounge as an additional room. A sail was installed above the dining table to shield it from the sun at the peak heat of the day. The small, kite-like structure attached to the perforated pergola is strategically placed and angled, so it doesn’t hinder the deck’s openness or sunset views.  

The pergola, which the sail attaches to, forms part of the cabin’s structure and was added to break up the blocky feel of a modular build, says Dean. Instead of leaving the deck unroofed, the pergola also gives it a sense of context as an outside room. ‘It gives it a feeling of permanency, but you can still look up see the sky,’ says Kim. 

The deck, which features a hanging day bed and heated circular pool, is home to el fresco dining and dreamy afternoon naps. It’s all about living inside and outside seamlessly, says Kim. ‘When we thought about the design we kept in mind the flow of the day and how we wanted to experience and journey through from morning to evening. We imagined someone sitting on the deck with their feet dangling into the pool, or children swimming while you are reading on the daybed,’ she says. 

With the natural focus falling on the lounge, kitchen and deck, Kim says it was important that the bedrooms and bathrooms weren’t considered an afterthought. They work equally hard to maximise the use of space. 

As a weekend getaway, generous cupboard space wasn’t required. Instead of built-in cupboards, Kim chose to use one wall of the bedroom as a hybrid living space with a basin setup combined with black steel shelving for clothing. Shifting the basin into the bedrooms also allowed them to keep the bathrooms clutter-free. 

Here too, Kim explains, she went to great lengths to source items that would speak to the philosophy of airiness while adding personality. Quirky cloud-shapes mirrors wrap around the shelving in the bedroom, capturing a glimpse of the views visible through a wall of glass and reflecting them. Above the basin is a further strip of windows that inject mountain and sky views. 

The bathrooms, which contain a shower and toilet, are bolted on to each side of the cabin, and separated from the bedrooms with tracked barn sliding doors. Kim chose to treat these units differently to the central modular pod they are attached to. Instead of cladding Kim chose marble tiles for the walls. ‘We wanted some movement in the tiles, so the bathroom didn’t feel too sterile. We landed on a white marble tile with mushroomy tone in veins,’ says Kim. 

Showering is of course optional when there is a coil-heated circular pool which can be fire-heated at night. Cladded in raw wood, it is absorbed into its surroundings and sits level with the deck, so the view is unencumbered. ‘Everything we did internally and externally had thought put into it how it would contribute to pulling the environment into the space again,’ says Kim.

Indigenous plants that occur naturally in the landscape were embraced and planted to create privacy. Combined with the black steel exterior of the pod, the property is absorbed into the environment. Interior designer Kim Spyron and her son Silas are pictured.



The Breede Valley views can be best enjoyed on the deck, which was added to the pod to facilitate laidback al fresco dining. It was designed as more of an external room, than an addition, and also features a daybed and sunken pool. 

A floating daybed sits alongside the outside dining table and pool on the deck. ‘When we thought about this space we considered how one would choose to spend their day here. Someone can be at the table looking at the views, another reading on the daybed, while the kids play in the pool,’ she says. Floating daybed, custom by Caneworld cushions; Oooh Interiors.  


Kim chose furnishings that encouraged the flow of air and light, such as a hanging rattan chair, and a perforated chair and coffee table. Kim also designed the kitchen. Kim commissioned a stylish sleeper couch to be made, so the cabin can expand to accommodate visitors. 


Silas relaxes in the custom-built pool, designed used a wood-heated coil system.

A rattan hanging chair is the hero of the combined kitchen and lounge. ‘It’s such a fun addition,’ says Kim. ‘You can swing one way to enjoy the view and swing back to participate in kitchen chatter,’ she says. Recessed shelving in the lounge creates storage opportunities, without intruding on the limited space of the living area. 

The pendant lamp was chosen for its streamlined silhouette. Kim installed hooks protruding from the wall so that if the beds are split for visitors into two singles, the light can be shifted to service them. It eliminated the need for bedside tables with lamps, she explains. The main bedroom viewed from the outside of the pod cabin. Indigenous vegetation was chosen and planted to enhance privacy and connect the building to the environment.    

March Energy Forecast

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Gaia Chinniah provides our monthly energy forecast for March. Using the energetic cycles and seasons to set your goals, heal and manifest what you want in life is such a powerful tool to help us to navigate life daily without resistance. To use this forecast, review once in its entirety and then at the beginning and end of each week remind yourself what the energy of the week is asking of you.


March Energy Forecast Week 1: February 27 – March 5

March is a big month to watch with curiosity as the world expands with new innovations alongside your own personal expansion too. This month feels like there will be a big bang, a take-off, things starting to make sense and advancement in our lives. In the first week as we make a transition from February to March, your material possessions and what you feel are important need to be looked at how they can be moved online or into the virtual world somehow. This might mean streamlining paperwork, consolidating shares, taking your work online. Decluttering might be something you want to consider in general. When decluttering, give away what is needed keeping only what you want. There is an alignment with streamlining systems in both our work and personal lives. Knowing that all your affairs are in order.

You might find yourself feeling a bit disappointed or hurt, these feelings can never be caused by anyone, but the trigger could be brought up by another for bringing up what is already within the self, like a mirror. It may be around not being where you thought you would be right now. The message here is to stay focused on your path because there is a union or reunion with something or someone coming and what you are feeling is the healing of lower energies so when this unity comes together it’s under the best conditions.

In terms of love, you may be connecting or reconnecting with a soul mate! This is part of the ‘big bang’ energy! The collision of all things that are meant to be.

Card of the week: Ground

You are being asked to be present on your earthly journey while being not attached or needing to accumulate more than you need around you. Staying grounded means to not lose your sense of purpose or direction in material things or how people make you feel. Being grounded means being confident in who you are.


March Energy Forecast Week 2: March 6 – March 12

There will be something to celebrate this week and it will be because you can see how abundance is being offered to you. Your personal beliefs and convictions will be questioned, and we are being asked to remember that it’s not what we believe, it’s how we believe and if our beliefs are kind, we can help both other people and ourselves.

Gossip also is something to be aware of, not participating or being involved in shaming stories about yourself or others. Gossip or speaking ill of others is the energy of the ego needing to victimise and it doesn’t serve. There may be an experience to remember to be kind to yourself and others. You will know this energy is present if a situation is feeling like there are delays or resistance – if you can sense it; bring yourself back to what your beliefs are around your worth. As we are all mirrors of the people in our lives and the judgement, we have in ourselves is usually what we notice in others.

It is also International Woman’s Day which is celebrated on March 8 and seeing how far you have come is the energy to balance out any questioning of self-worth and how worthy you are. There has been progress and much of it has been paved by others so that you can be here and now it’s your turn to pave the way for others.

The energy this week is the exchange of energy – what you give you also receive. Follow the signs that you are shown. Release your inhibitions and start afresh with beliefs that lift yourself and others up.

Full Moon – March 7 in Virgo

The Full Moon this month is a time of deep healing of the old criticism we have had towards ourselves and others. A judgement of self to fulfil our desire in our health and the rules we use to govern our life. It’s time to use this Full Moon to release in an organised and efficient way that is also balanced to sustain the healthy life you want.


Card of the week: Triumph
Obstacles are starting to shift as you feel more on top of your life. Not only physical obstacles but seeing who or what causes resistance in order to shift yourself towards more abundance.


March Energy Forecast Week 3: March 13 – March 19

We don’t need someone to save us but there is this energy this week of someone who may appear to have your back, they will want to help and implement changes in your life. Almost like a hero in disguise – be aware of anyone trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Is this a genuine offer? You will need to check in with your intuition. You are asked to make a right choice, not based on old thought system but a gamble for the future.  We are here on earth to take some risks and that means with people too. The energy of success and happiness will support you to move with the advancements of technology and the evolution that is being presented to you. How you communicate is going to be key this week; people will be looking to you as a role model and you are looking for those noble qualities in others also.

Take some time to connect with nature and reconnect with the energy the sun has to offer in revitalising and motivating you this week.

Card of the week: Opposites
This card comes up for you because there is an opposing factor that will be presenting itself to make sense of a bigger picture. Look for meaning in the opposite of what you would normally do or notice and also look at a reflection of you in someone else that you are questioning this week.

March Energy Forecast Week 4: March 20 – March 26

Your will power will be important as you might find yourself in a ‘hands on’ situations, needing to help out and get into the nitty gritty. Still think of yourself as a role model for others around you, how would behave and communicate if you knew you were being looked up to? Really connect and create what you want with who you want. Your intuition will be strong where it will be easy to see what is being presented to you and to see a clear path forward.

There will be a deep knowing in your being and bones to trust what you can’t see based on what you can – it will be enough evidence. 

People are starting to take notice of you! So don’t be frustrated if you feel like you are not getting the attention you need, it just may not be the right time for your shining moment.  If you are feeling frustrated, ask for help or for what you want.

Trust your talents and gifts! We all have something we are here in the world to give, and you are starting to be noticed.

NEW MOON: March 21 in Aries

A New Moon packed with wisdom for intention to truly decide what you want next at a pace you can handle. A lot is happening behind the scenes in preparation for you to shine so set intentions for the attention you are looking for to bring in the growth that you want.


Card of the week: A New Idea
A new idea will be developing not just from what you can see but you are being led to the right people in the right places. New Moon, New Ideas to create!


March Energy Forecast Week 5: March 27 – April 2

There might be some inexplicable coincidences this week and feeling of déjà vu and recognition. Your structure in life will be important to evaluate to ensure that things are getting done. Checklists and logical support to help you stay on track are needed. There are things to clear up and consolidate. Your structure will help you not overspend in finances, energy and time.

Parts of your life are being unveiled, and this is an exciting thing. You might find people are asking you to do things that you are passionate about which is in line with your true nature. You will feel seen and recognised.

There is an element of clearing out and your creative expression is what is giving you this new slate to work on.


Card of the week: Signs
The signs card comes up to ask you to look at what is popping up in your life naturally to direct you down your true path.


OVERALL: March is a time of expansion, advancement, and growth. This month is a time to shine in terms of your passions and to put them out for the world to see who you really are! It’s a time of organisation and preparing for even more growth to come but also a very intuitive month in the preparation for your moment to shine. Remember, March is a big month to watch with curiosity as the world expands alongside your own expansion too.


Related article: The Queen of Manifesting: Roxie Nafousi

All Grown Up: North Island Cocktail Tour

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Road trip! So much to organise ahead of time before leaving the big city. Oversized map showing all the essentials, including petrol stations open 24/7? Tick. List of the cleanest public toilets? Tick. Best cheap eats under 800 calories? Tick. Insta-worthy scenic selfie spots? Tick. Cocktails? [Insert the sound of crickets.]

The Fat Farmer in Palmerston North is comfortable and attitude-free, with a warm, welcoming feel. There is an affectionate shout-out to the city’s agricultural history but this bar is thoroughly modern in its food and drink. I had the Rosebud, an attractive- looking fruity-but-not-sweet drink of vanilla vodka, cranberry, pineapple, passionfruit and golden sugar. There are layers of fruit, balanced together under a creamy top, with floating freeze-dried berries adding crunch. It was paired with roast lamb from the restaurant, brought out by the proud chef, who explained how the pilaf of rice, pistachios and cranberries brought the flavours of my cocktail to the dish. I meant to have only an afternoon aperitif at the Fat Farmer, but the surprising and delicious combination of cocktail and roast made me cancel my dinner reservation elsewhere.


The Rosebud Cocktail At The Fat Farmer, Palmerston North
The Rosebud Cocktail At The Fat Farmer, Palmerston North
A Hudson cocktail from Wonder Horse


Little Savanna, also in Palmerston North, is a happy place. People love being customers and people seem to love working there. Three times in one hour while I was there, the whole serving team gathered around a different table to sing Happy Birthday. It wasn’t cringeworthy; it was joyous, genuine loud and cute. I wondered whether I could pretend I’d lost my driver’s licence and claim it was my birthday too.

You would almost need a licence to make their star cocktail, the Flaming Lamborghini. Its title refers to the liquor, which is set alight at your table and fires down a tower of five stacked cocktail vessels and into the glass. It is spectacular, and the good- humoured bar staff don’t worry if a table of 10 orders one each. They will slip on their fireproof gloves and spark them up. The blue flames of the cocktail come from a combination of Baileys, curaçao, Cointreau, Kahlúa, ouzo and cinnamon. It’s rich and satisfying, like an alcoholic, liquid Christmas pudding. Their menu features sticky-finger comfort food, such as fried goat’s cheese in honey, pork belly flatbreads, and chicken wings in blue cheese sauce. This is a place for big flavours, served with big smiles.


Mr Pickles, Hamilton
Wonder Horse Bar in Hamilton, New Zealand
Wonder Horse, Hamilton


Mr Pickles in Hamilton is a modern cathedral of cocktails. In a high-ceilinged glass and concrete plaza, it has great acoustics for intimate conversations, while also being a people-watching paradise. Very buzzy, very social. You can sit at the bar inside, or outside on the spacious multi-level terrace overlooking the mighty Waikato river. Mr Pickles has a focus on quality seasonal ingredients, so the cocktails are fresh – and they arrive fast. I had a Peached Iced Tea (deceptively deep, like all so-called iced teas). The intention is to layer the flavours – this
one was made with peach vodka, peach brandy, amaro, dry Riesling, lemon, and peach liqueur – topped with a fizz of peach and ginger soda. Super-tasty drinks in a wow-factor setting.

Still in Hamilton, Wonder Horse is a very different experience. The bar feels like the right choice for the early evening or very late at night. Small, intimate, down a back alley, old comfy leather sofas, a DJ booth, vinyl records up the wall alongside foreign paper currency left by international travellers (remember them?). I could easily be in Berlin, Barcelona or Amsterdam. Their cocktails contain short lists of ingredients, with many made from scratch. The focus is on execution. I had the Hudson, with its classic tastes of bourbon, oloroso sherry, maple syrup, Amara and orange peel. The cocktail looked like it could teach me a few lessons about life from its spicy, nutty, acidic point of view. The staff made for easy chatting, and the conversation flowed. This is a place for locals to try new things, and for visitors to be welcomed like locals.

Bar Centrale at the Clarence Hotel in Tauranga is a class act. The historic boasts a dramatic catwalk entrance that sweeps up from the street, a terrace, a band playing reggae jazz, and a bistro serving a French-inspired menu, as well as the bar. As a destination, it’s a complete evening. The cocktail menu changes seasonally, like a couture collection. Spring/summer is citrusy and sparkling, while autumn/ winter is spicy and nutty. There is also a focus on lunchtime drinks and evening drinks. (Oh, okay, I’ll stay all day.)

My afternoon delight was the Summertime Californista with rosemary Aperol, Campari, pink grapefruit and Prosecco. Think Pink! Later, for the evening, there was a Holy Negroni with gin (aged in bourbon barrels), Campari, sweet vermouth made with red wine, and Cynar, topped with rhubarb- infused quinine.

Man making cocktail at Bar Centrale
Bar Centrale
Bar Centrale in Clarence Hotel Tauranga
Bar Centrale in Clarence Hotel

Auckland Arts Festival With Whirimako Black

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Whirimako Black is the kind of person who makes you feel like you’ve known each other for years – even though we’re meeting for the first-time and it’s on Zoom.

She sits on the couch of her Ruatoki home, windows and doors open, and we chuckle about the heat, needing glasses to see computer screens, having dogs who bark in the background, and the importance of choosing to be kind rather than right. Now in her early sixties, Whirimako (Ngāi Tūhoe) collaborated with Salmonella Dub on several new songs as well as the band’s nationwide tour and is now preparing to headline He Kete Waiata, the closing show of the 2023 Auckland Arts Festival.


It features fellow bilingual vocal stars Allana Goldsmith, Leon Wharekura and Dixon Nacey singing jazz standards and new material in te reo Māori and English. Whirimako’s playlist includes her take on the jazz music that, working with legendary composer and musical arranger the late Russ Garcia, she’s become renowned for as well as waiata from her iwi, Ngāti Tūhoe. (She also has whakapapa to Ngāti Tūwharetoa, Ngāti Ranginui, Te Whakatōhea and Te Whānau-ā-Apanui.)


“He Kōpara is a result of faith, reo and how beautifully the reo blends into the classics of some of my favourite singers.” Whirimako has lent her voice to more than 20 albums which have won her awards such as Best Māori Album, Best Jazz Album and a Silver Scroll for Best Māori Composition – an accolade she shared with her mum.


Made a Member of the New Zealand Order of Merit and later recognised with an Arts Foundation Laureate Award, she’s collaborated with everyone from symphony orchestras and electronic music groups both at home and abroad, performed internationally and become recognised as a world music star, scored television shows and spent years mentoring young musicians for Māori Television.


It’s a career grounded on whakapapa which has taken her into territory that her cousin, composer, singer and academic Hirini Melbourne, explored as he went about reviving Māori music. Whirimako has also studied and delved deeper into her musical heritage, learning more about that handed down by generations of Tūhoe ancestors.


She could be described as something of an ethnomusicologist as well as a singer/songwriter and te reo champion. The ninth of ten children to parents Stewart and Anituatua Black, Whirimako grew up in the Ruatoki Valley on the edge of Te Urewera where her first language was Te Reo Māori and her whānau made its own entertainment.


“Our mum would bring in the songs from the ‘old school,’ which was great because it kept us learning those songs and remembering them, and then we would do all the modern songs in Māori or English depending on the mood or who turned up,” she recalls. “There were songs for entertainment but there were also mōteatea – the serious songs, the ones about the past that recalled people who were no longer here; we sing those songs to bring their memory back. I feel like the mōteatea I have been learning is like looking at a journal of time.”

The radio was on, too, and Whirimako listened to jazz greats like Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holliday, Nine Simone and Mahalia Jackson with her mother: “She loved Nina Simone and Mahalia Jackson, but I was always team Billie.”


Whirimako wrote waiata and performed from childhood, excelling at kapa haka, and crediting her older sister and her mum and dad as her first collaborators. Aged 15, she joined a Bay of Plenty covers band that led to her singing with musicians who had played with Howard Morrison and The Māori Volcanics. A decade in Australia followed but Whirimako found getting a break tough, so studied music theory at the Sydney Conservatorium of Music.


Returning home in her late twenties, she was welcomed back by one of her sisters who sung her the 190-year-old Mataatua Tūhoe moteatea Taku Rakau which made Whirimako determined to learn more about her musical roots. For a time, the mother of five performed with the all-woman Tuahine Whakairo (Sisters in Art) and says while it was tough to build a repertoire of original songs, it strengthened her resolve to write and record music in English and Te Reo.


Taonga pūoro player Justin Kereama has also been a regular collaborator, introducing traditional Māori instruments into contemporary music. She says it’s another way to introduce audiences to kaupapa Māori and the reo, to show what a beautiful language it is. But, at times, it’s been a difficult path to walk because she worried about challenges to her right to sing these songs and offending iwi, hapū and whānau. “I believe my ancestors – my tupuna – wanted me to voice it, to remind us again where we came from and pat ourselves on the back that we have survived.
“I think I’ve had an influence on younger people because I dared to, so now they dare to.”

He Kete Waiata closes Auckland Arts Festival on Sunday, March 26 at the Auckland Town Hall. See here for further details.


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Contrast Therapy The Latest Wellness Treatment

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Women sitting in towel in an infared sauna

The use of contrast therapy dates back over 5000 years. For centuries, hot and cold temperatures have been used by humans for medical, therapeutic and recovery purposes. Contrast therapy treatment is now encouraged by celebrities such as Goop’s Gwyneth Paltrow, Lady Gaga and more recently, Harry Styles – who posted that he uses cold therapy as a way to keep his body in the best shape for back-to-back live performances on his latest ‘Love On Tour’ global tour.



I obviously had to try this for myself. Located in Grey Lynn’s Scrap Yard development Hana has been home to a wellness centre for the last 3 years. Owner of Hana, Sara Higgins had been experiencing medical issues and created Hana off the back of her own health journey. 

There is no gym equipment at this Wellness centre, instead Hana is home to an array of holistic treatments. Facilities include private infrared therapy, red light pods and the contrast therapy rooms. 

Over the course of 60 minutes, I alternated between 20 minutes of the infrared sauna and an ice bath. I opted for the Double Sauna and brought a friend along for support and encouragement. 

I have to admit I did have visions of myself submerged in a bath full of ice cubes but Hana keeps the bath at 6 degrees celsius through their specialty baths. I am not going to tell you that the 3 minutes was comfortable, but the feeling afterwards can only be described as ‘electrifying’.  



The idea of a sauna may conjure up feelings of being clammy and uncomfortable. But Sara explains infrared saunas are not quite the same; 

“Rather than heating up the air around you like a traditional sauna, infrared saunas emit infrared wavelengths of light that penetrate into your tissues, heating your body up from the inside out. The heat from infrared saunas is more tolerable, allowing you to stay in for longer and there is evidence that a greater amount of toxins are eliminated with infrared saunas.”

Cold water immersion has been proven to improve circulation. When you are exposed to the cold water your blood vessels get smaller which reduces blood flow. When you remove yourself from the cold, your body has to warm itself up, so it increases blood flow to your blood vessels. I asked Sara how often contrast therapy would be necessary to see results. 

“2-3 per week is a good number of sessions. For more specific support, such as detoxing for hormone health or lowering inflammation and pain, more regular sessions, even daily, may be recommended.”


Hana - contrast therapy space in Auckand



Related article: Meditation for beginners: How To Do a Candle Gazing Meditation

What’s On This March Throughout The South Island

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March brings with it many events across the South Island. We could all use a little entertainment to reset our wild year. Below is our What’s On guide for March – yes we are almost a quarter of the way through the year!

Michael Mcintyre
22nd & 24th March, Wellington, TSB Arena. 26th March, Auckland, Spark Arena
Michael McIntyre’s ‘Jet Lagged and Jolly’ New Zealand tour sold out in record time. Enjoy a night of stand up comedy and laughter – something everyone could do with right now.  

Sola Rosa & Tiki Taane
Saturday 11th March, Coronet Peak, Queenstown 
Kicking off at 12 noon, Sola Rose & Tiki Taane is a daytime gig with epic music and great views. Tickets are only $35 and free for anyone under 16. 

Basement Jaxx 
30th March, Rawhiti Domain, Christchurch & 25th of March in Gibbston Valley,  Queenstown
Basement Jaxx are returning to New Zealand after a postponed previous tour. They have been active since the late 1990s and are known for their energetic and musical blend of house, techno and funk. 


Gindulgence Festival


Gindulgence
11th March, IIam Homestead, Christchurch
Enjoy the celebration of New Zealand Gin with New Zealand’s original gin festival. You can enjoy an afternoon of  tastings, talks with distillers, cocktails, great local food and live entertainment all afternoon. 

Sting
1st March, Christchurch Arena
Sting will return to New Zealand in March 2023 for the first time in 8 years, on his critically acclaimed ‘My Songs Tour’. Sting is a 17-time Grammy winner and his setlist for the tour has been created to provide a glimpse into his life over the last 40+ years. 

The Christchurch Food Show 2023
31st March, Christchurch Arena
Don’t miss Christchurch’s foodie event of the year! The Christchurch Food Show is where you can try and buy the best local and international food and beverages.


Six60 Saturdays
12th March, Dunedin Forsyth Barr Stadium, 19th March, Christchurch Orange Theory Stadium

Rupi Kaur World Tour
24th March, Auckland Town Hall & 23rd March, The Opera House, Wellington. 
Rupi Kaur is a Canadian poet, writer, and illustrator who gained widespread popularity for her collection of poetry. Rupi will be speaking at Auckland Arts Festival and then making her way to Wellington’s Opera House for a night of poetry. 

Snoop Dog ‘I Want To Thank Me’ Tour
11th March, Auckland & 10th March, Christchurch
Snoop Dogg’s “I Want To Thank Me” Tour is a celebration of his career and accomplishments in the music industry. The tour features performances of his classic hits and new tracks from his latest album of the same name. 



Aotea Festival
Saturday 4th March, Lauderdale

North Canterbury Wine & Food Festival
Sunday 5th March, Glenmark Domain
Fall in love with everything North Canterbury has to offer. Enjoy local food and wine, entertainment and local music talent. 

Festival of Colour
26 Mar 2023 – 02 Apr 2023,  Wanaka Upper Clutha Basin
The Wānaka Festival of Colour is the flagship arts event for the Southern Lakes region. You will see performances from over 25 different artists, ranging from musical performances, ballet and the art of food. Full programme can be found here. 

Related article: What’s On for the North Island this March

A Rose Tinted Roadie

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Taranaki is a destination you choose to go to, rather than somewhere you pass through on the way to somewhere else. Maggie Barry takes a tiki tour around some of the loveliest gardens in “Taradise”.

Puketarata Garden

Six-star-rated Puketarata Garden in Hāwera takes its name from the neighbouring 400-year- old pa site. Beautifully maintained by Jennifer and Ken Horner, this country garden features a clipped box parterre, roses, rhododendrons and a mixture of natives and exotics to provide interest year-round. Jennifer’s clever planting over the past 40 years has enhanced the spectacular views of the surrounding countryside.



Te Kainga Marire

Te Kainga Marire means “a peaceful encampment”, and this is exactly what Valda Poletti and David Clarkson have achieved in their city garden over the last 40 years. They’ve transformed a clay wasteland into an authentic patch of bush in the suburbs, hoping to inspire gardeners to landscape in a natural style and appreciate our native plants. They have succeeded brilliantly. It appeared on the BBC series Around the World in 80 Gardens.



Te Henui Cemetery

Te Henui Cemetery, the oldest public cemetery in the city, is a special place, thanks to a small team of hard-working volunteers. They are doing a terrific job, replanting the early settlers’ graves dating back to the 1860s. Shy but obliging, they freely give guidance to descendants who want to restore headstones, and chat with visitors who are charmed by the flowers.




Waiongana

John Wilmshurst and Diana Montgomery’s gorgeous garden, Waiongana, was one of the festival’s crowd-pleasers, and it’s easy to see why it’s such a popular wedding venue. Ravenous rabbits are their biggest problem and the couple has had to wrap chicken wire around the base of their precious perennials and grow their herbs in raised bathtubs in order to protect them.



Three Elms Garden

At Three Elms Garden, Shane and Lisa McNab’s garden rocks, but not in a stone-age way. It was designed to appeal to the one-and- only Elvis Presley, with a tropicana look achieved with palms and several treasured specimens named after the King – a fitting tribute from Shane, who is one of his biggest fans. It was the couple’s first time opening their garden for the festival, and they were inundated with more than 1200 visitors, most of them out-of-towners armed with notebooks and cameras, wanting bulletproof, takeaway ideas.



The 5 Hidden Gems Of New Zealand

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New Zealand has many beautiful places, the Abel Tasman Coast Track, the Waitomo Glowworm Caves, and the Tongariro Alpine Crossing. But what about the Hidden gems of New Zealand?

Here are some of our favourite destinations for breathtaking natural beauty and unique experiences.


St Bathans

St Bathans beach with pontoon in the shallow water


Off State Highway 85 between Alexandra and Ranfurly in Otago you will find St Bathans. This former gold and coal-mining town was once the centre of the Otago gold rush and may be just a one-horse town now, but it’s a perfect ode to history, with a restored pub, tiny bank and post office. 

Better still, on scorching hot days, you can swim in the stunning Blue Lake, formed during gold-sluicing, or walk the 2km loop track beside it. It’s a delicious slice of our mining past and it should be a crime not to take that turn-off, but be warned: there are two of them and the longer, sealed road is definitely the way to go – and sometimes there’s a coffee cart on it. 


Wellington Bird Sanctuary

Male walking over bridge through Wellington Bird Sanctuary


Tucked away in a bushy valley between the city and Karori, Wellington’s Zealandia puts the “sanctuary” in “eco-sanctuary”.  This 255ha conservation project brings some birds back to life. You can stand and watch kākā feed for hours or put your eyes on stalks to spot tīeke, tūī, hihi and those big old flappers, kererū, among many others.


The Caitlins

Sunset over The Caitlins with Lighthouse in the far of image


Located at the southern tip of the South Island, the Catlins proves a rugged drawcard for penguins, dolphins and sea lions. Due to its exposed position, the Catlins’ coastline sees some of the country’s largest ocean swells, raising impressive waves which nowadays attract big-wave surfers from across the globe.


Ōamaru


As with many an Aotearoa gem, if you fail to take a crucial turn as you swoop into Ōamaru, an hour and a half north of Dunedin, you’ll miss the staggering genius of this stunning east coast Otago town. A wonderful world awaits: an untouched historic quarter, a steampunk museum, an apothecary, a craft brewery, another craft brewery, gorgeous galleries and, to top it all off, the Pacific Ocean.


Heritage Landing

Auckland Viaduct harbour with 14 classic yachts.


Keep walking west past the bars and restaurants of Auckland’s Wynyard Quarter, the kids’ play area and the lookout gantry and you’ll usually find yourself staring at a Picton ferry-sized super yacht moored at Silo Marina. 

However, turn away from these expressions of eye-watering wealth and you will be treated to quite the opposite – Heritage Landing, home to 14 lovingly restored classic New Zealand yachts. You might not find too much champagne and caviar aboard these elegant vessels, showcased here for anyone to see. But you can feel the love that’s gone into them – and that goes into them still. 


24 Hours In Waihi: A Journey Of Discovery And R & R

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Overlook this Hauraki District haven in favour of its more hyped neighbours the Coromandel and Mt Maunganui and you’ll miss out, learns Brett Atkinson on a journey of discovery and R & R.

9.30AM I’d like to report a potential burglary. Around four decades ago my family home in suburban east Auckland may have been broken into. Either that, or the team running The Refinery café in Paeroa have the same taste in furniture as my mum and dad. It’s all there, as I discover while en route to Waihi: the mahogany-veneer extendable dining table, the burnt-orange nylon lounge suite and chunky Temuka dinnerware. There are even a few familiar vinyl LPs, with my favourite discs from Elvis Costello, The Clash and Paul Kelly all available for customers to spin on a Technics turntable. Partnering Paeroa’s best espresso with a Middle Eastern sandwich – pomegranates and hummus definitely weren’t available in early-80s Pakuranga – I fire up the stereo with Johnny Cash in a tribute to my country-music-loving father.


The Refinery Cafe

10.15AM Next door, music from an earlier era plays at the Amberjack Candle Company. Street art depicting David Bowie and John Lennon enlivens Amberjack’s roller door, and Jimi Hendrix’s “Hey Joe” is the soundtrack to my olfactory sampling of their soy-based candles. With licorice, patchouli, cedar and musk, Amberjack’s Dive Bar fragrance is heady and complex, while Whiskey in a Jar’s notes of maple, whiskey and clove would be perfect for a winter evening. I depart with a Wilding Pine candle.


Amberjack Candle Company

10.45AM Over one hour and 2.5km, I explore the region’s earliest gold-mining history on the Karangahake Gorge Windows Walk, crossing suspension bridges shaded by native bush, and following a narrow-gauge railway tunnel cut into a cliff. A sharp right-hand detour turns my surroundings pitch-black, making it necessary to use my phone as a torch. When daylight returns, “windows” in the rock-face reveal the opposite side of the river canyon.

Karangahake Gorge , Owharoa Falls

1PM Decked out in high-vis vests and safety helmets, it’s definitely an all-ages group of Kiwi travellers joining Eddie on his afternoon Gold Mine Tour. Compared with other mega-mines like Western Australia’s Super Pit, he reckons Waihi’s Martha Mine is just a “boutique operation”, but as our minibus weaves a spidery path around the mine’s rim, the numbers Eddie reels off are still impressive. Since 1878, the mine has evolved from a hilltop honeycomb of shafts to resemble a celestial amphitheatre measuring 1km by 700m. Around 400m down, shipping containers are dwarfed by rocks the size of four-bedroom houses, the legacy of a slip that closed the mine in 2015. Despite the current closure, Eddie confirms there are “millions of dollars of silver and gold” still in the mine, and a future reopening is planned.


Waihi Mine Tour

6.15PM At the Waihi Beach Hotel, a Hello Sailor song given a boost by everyone’s favourite West Auckland TV show plays in the background as I enjoy my IPA from Hamilton’s Good George Brewing, while a couple of older locals nurse quart bottles of Waikato Draught. Back in the day, my brother and I would probably have been in the family car outside with lemonade and a bag of chips, but in a different time, a few kids are performing cartwheels on a compact stage in the corner of the beer garden. Near the bar, there are posters advertising upcoming gigs by Shihad’s Jon Toogood, a Creedence tribute band and roots reggae band House of Shem.


Waihi Beach hotel

7PM It’s always a good sign when you can rock up to the best restaurant in town in short and jandals, and Flatwhite’s beachfront location is humming on a Tuesday night. There are definitely more Hawaiian shirts than I’m used to seeing in Auckland, but if you can’t sartorially combine palm trees and toucans 10m from the sand, where can you? As he seats loyal locals at tables with views of low-slung Tuhua (Mayor Island) on the horizon, it’s obvious owner Andy Kennedy got the tropical dress code memo. I’m perfectly happy combining duck spring rolls, salt-and-pepper squid and a pale ale from Auckland’s Hallertau Brewery.


Flat White Cafe – Waihi Beach

8am From the northern end of the beach, I wade carefully through ankle-deep water – access to the Orokawa Scenic Reserve walkway can be restricted at high tide – before navigating a well-marked path to a lookout with a sweeping view of Waihi’s sandy arc. A glade of mānuka trees frames a serrated coastline that reminds me of a trip walking around southern Turkey, but the familiar mustiness of the surrounding bush reminds me I could only be in New Zealand. Shaded by a canopy of knotted pōhutukawa trees, the undulating descent to Orokawa Bay is made all the more beautiful by the dual chorus of birdsong and gentle waves, and my caffeine and chocolate-fuelled early-ish start means I have the beach all to myself.

Orokawa Bay Track


The Low Down

What to do

  • Amberjack Candle Company
  • Karangahake Gorge Windows Walk
  • Waihi Gold Discovery Centre
  • Orokawa Scenic Reserve walkway

Where to eat & drink

  • The Refinery Waihi Beach Hotel
  • Flatwhite
  • Surf Shack Eatery
  • Secret Garden
  • Chez Moi
  • Falls Retreat

Where to stay

  • Waihi Beach Paradise Resort

Missing The Movie Latest Scary Movie Review

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A new screenlife thriller Missing the movie makes for compelling viewing but despite the speed of the chase it doesn’t have the bandwidth for something truly great.

Missing the movie hits every beat of a true-crime doco: thinly concealed family trauma, phone calls in the night, and slow zooms into old mugshots. The story is fiction, but that’s not the only point of departure. Missing the movie is also the latest example of a ‘screenlife film’, the term for blockbusters like Unfriended and Searching that transpire entirely on computer and smartphone screens. 

The film opens with camcorder footage of a little girl, June, playing with her father, James (Tim Griffin). Her mother, Grace (Nia Long), comes in, and the two parents bicker. Pause. Zoom out to a Windows desktop. The home video is trimmed and exported to a folder labelled ‘For June’. 

Cut to June (Storm Reid), now eighteen and living in Los Angeles, waiting for Grace to leave for Colombia so she can throw a rager. Dad is out of the picture, and Grace is going on holiday with her online dating match, Kevin (Ken Leung). On June’s crowded MacBook screen, she messages her best friend Veena (Megan Suri) about buying booze, watches an Uber arrive via a home security system, and scrolls Instagram and Spotify. Grace leaves, so June parties, mum’s holiday pics left on read. One week later, June drives hungover to LAX to pick up her mum, but Grace never arrives. June drives home. She calls the hotel. She calls the embassy. Grace is Missing. 

Discussing the plot further without giving the game away is challenging. The thriller start proper at the airport. The setup, parent missing in a foreign land, could be more sensationalist, more tawdry, but hooks sink in as the story escalates. There are twists galore, and each twist does the valuable work of making you reevaluate everything that has come before. Many of these left turns are predictable, but Merrick and Johnson spool them out with persuasive sobriety. 

It was midway through the film when I realised I was watching an animated movie. Missing the movie brims with gorgeous low-resolution images, particularly when the whole screen frames fragments of webcam images in close-up. Like a wink in Toy Story, these wrong impressions of faces buzz with static. The flowering chat windows and hovering mouses are not ‘real’ screen recordings but digital objects manipulated in a motion graphics programme. 

This understanding explains the film’s theatrical inertia. June and Grace are flat avatars more than dimensional individuals, and much like Pixar, Disney, and Studio Ghibli, the filmmakers adapt to this languor with big gobs of schmaltz. Like a voice cast, the actors express emotion in big gestures, with a thwack of minor key piano accentuating each tug at the heartstrings. 


Missing the Movie


Although the ‘screenlife’ mode appears new, Missing bears roots to Charles Bronson and Clint Eastwood. The 1970s saw the rising popularity of vigilante films like Dirty Harry and Death Wish, in which good guys with guns meted out vengeance on bad guys the legal system was too feeble to contain. This ‘might is right’ ethos, in which social norms of privacy are violated at the service of revenge, was sneered at from the left for its fascist undertones. But the sentiment prevails in films like Missing, where June’s successive online privacy breaches are justified because they enable her mission. 

The film’s lionising of Big Tech compounds this queasy moral view. The good characters use celebrated data harvesting apps Google, Spotify, Facebook, and WeChat. The baddies prefer wicked anonymising tech like encrypted email server Proton Mail and VPN services. Trademark licensing deals likely underpin these decisions, but the film still links heroism to corporate trust. The suggestion throughout is that our tech use is symptomatic of our moral character. After all, technologies are extensions of our bodies, a truth expressed in the film by the zap of tension whenever an external viewer interrupts our voyeuristic tie to June’s online life. 

Despite a juicy suspense scene shot on an iWatch, and the demonstration of digital authenticity, part of me found Missing too close to doing admin. I don’t go to the movies to watch someone answer emails. Missing is an enjoyable experiment but one I only need to experience once. Rotten Tomatoes gave it an 86%, what would you give it?



Related article: What’s Love Got to Do With It? Movie Review

Hawkes Bay Flood 7 Day Diary

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This Hawkes Bay Flood piece first appeared on ReadingRoom  – newsroom.co.nz

Hawkes Bay author, Marty Smith’s week from Hell.

Monday

We watch the wind get up and trees start swirling around. We charge up our devices and get the lanterns ready. Sometime in the night, the wind wakes me up, shrieking and howling. This will be bad, I think, but I know there’s nothing you can do except wait to wake up and see what’s happened. We’re perched high on a cliff, and the wind is full force, blowing straight off the sea. I go back to sleep. The wind and rain are so loud, I don’t hear the trees go down.


Tuesday

One of the cypresses is lying over the back of the tractor. I push my way through the wet, pungent branches to get to the chooks. The top of one of the gums has smashed onto the chook-house; they’re out picking in the mud. The donkeys are on their feet and eating. There’s nothing we can do about Jason’s cattle, except shoot them if we have to, but they look all right from here.  

Messages come flooding in. Aayden, on top of the hill texts, Are you guys ok? He sends pictures of massive slips that have poured through the fence and over our road and scoured out huge swathes of the three-year-old natives that we planted to hold the hill. 

Phil goes up on the ridge behind the house where he can see the road.

It’s a major, he says. He texts Doug and his digger.

Doug, 7.43 AM: I’m cutting through the stop bank at prebensen dr at the moment

R u guys all right

Cause all the roads are closed

It’s carnage

And the tides coming in now

Ben sends shots of Puketitiri Rd and the orchards. The road’s a deep brown river, rippling through the fence-lines and tangling grass and debris against the wires.

Our bridge is still standing, slick with silt and shining with muddy water that’s only just starting to subside. We worry for the Bishops, who live right beside it as low as the level of the road. And Richard and Wendy, who live in the bend of the river. 

Doug: They r talking about evacuating Taradale

Greg’s house on the top of the hill is two weeks off being closed in. He was up till 8 o’clock last night in the wind and the rain bracing whatever he could. Then he went home. He’s shocked by the photos of the slip.

Where’s that from? he says, Is that from my place?

He says we’re going to lose our cell phones soon, so we start posting, and my sister rings up just in time. Then we’re gone.

We put wet weathers on, and I watch while Phil saws the tree on the tractor. You be careful, Petrie said, ringing from Christchurch, Lot of people get killed chainsawing trees after storms. Felled trees under stress can spring up and chop you down.

He reckons he can drive up from the yards through the neighbour’s paddock. I’m dubious, he hasn’t got spikes and chains. Be careful, I say, no one can come and get you. 

He comes back by foot half an hour later. It’s very boggy in the only crossing and the wheels churned and churned and dug in deeper; the tractor’s bellied in mud, stuck up at an angle. He says he nearly made it.

We sit in the garage in the rain and listen to the car radio. We have no idea what’s happening. We have no idea how bad it is. Helicopters are clattering over all the time.  One flies very low and slow over us: they can see the road; know we’re cut off. We move around outside so they can see us and they fly on.

Phil walks the 3km out our drive to Puketitiri Rd. The ute got mud up to the running boards but no water inside. He got through to town, though the slips on the way were shocking. There was no one around and nothing open but he found a dairy with Wifi and no milk.


Wednesday

It’s clear, fine and warm. MetService issues a severe thunderstorm warning for the afternoon, talking about very unstable conditions, including heavy rain and hail, possibly 30-40mm. People in Central Hawkes Bay are asked to evacuate immediately.


I could go and stand up some of the fallen down shrubs but I don’t have the heart for it and I stay in the garage painting furniture so I can listen to the car radio. It’s raining when we listen to the man in Auckland, in despair about the friend who was looking after his house in the Esk Valley, in hospital with a broken leg after a 40-foot container crashed into the house while they were scrambling for the roof and pushed his partner under the water. It’s terrible when he cries and says, All for a fucking holiday.

It’s sunny when, out of nowhere, like a cut from one frame to the next in a film, Jesse is standing in front of me when I look up from painting a curl in the iron frame-work. I smile at him, and say, Hello! Have you come to save us?

Lovely Jesse, Max’s best friend and one of Phil’s main fishing crew. He could have been out on the boat, wearing his aertex shirt and Canterbury shorts and bare legs, cheerful and unruffled, the slight sun in his blond hair.  He has extra-long gumboots with elasticated tops, spattered right over in mud. He’s walked all the way down the big hill through the slips to see what’s left underneath.

Hello, he says. I came to see if you fellas were ok.

We’re fine.

Phil comes round the side of the shed and is equally startled.

Hello, Jesse! He says, in surprised delight.

Jesse grins. Fark, he says, the whole of Hawkes Bay is cut off.

I say we heard the Puketapu bridge was gone.

All of them, he says, in disbelief still, the Mangaone, Patoka, Dartmoor, Rissington, they’re all gone. He adds to the list:  A big container took out the Waiohiki Bridge.

Fark, we say. It’s hard to imagine.

And, he says cheerfully, for good measure, the one on the Expressway is on the piss.

Fark, we say. That’s a long bridge.

Light drizzle, so we stay in the garage with the roller door open and the window in Henry’s car down, listening to the radio. Jesse Mulligan says, in a stricken tone, Havelock North and Hastings are running out of ice! Phil snorts and we start laughing a lot even though he says, I mean to save their food from spoiling, not for their drinks.

The dogs look at us, puzzled. Everything is puzzling.  

Just when it’s starting to darken, the dogs bark and there’s a motorbike. In the unreality of dusk, it seems like a mirage, some kind of miracle bursting out of the elements, though it’s quite mild.

It’s Ben and he’s ridden his quadbike out. There’s only one place to get across, where the tractor’s bogged, and he’s got mired there too. It’s taken a while to get out, but there he is, come from nowhere. He offers to lend us the quadbike, he isn’t using it. He’ll bring it back the next day and walk back out. He has to get going quickly, it’s getting dark and he has to find a way home over the ridge through the neighbours so as not to go down the way of the tractor.

In the dark, the dogs sneak some liberties and slip onto the good chairs. They neither sigh, nor snore, nor creak the leather.


Thursday

We’re heading out to arrange the vehicles. It’s muggy but if it rains, too bad, I’ll get wet, I’m not lugging oilskins up that slip. There are clear paths up the hill through the humps of sludge, the water has carved channels over the hard papa underneath. It’s still running but it’s like a creek bed.

It’s Fletcher on the digger. He tells us it’s completely rooted out there, and he reels off the names of the bridges again. Awatoto’s just gone! he tells us with a big smile.

It’s about 2 o’clock in the afternoon.

What about the Expressway? We heard the bridge was on the piss.

Yeah, he says and his eyes light up, They let a fifty tonne logger on and it was halfway across and there was a big crack! They yelled to everyone, Get off! Someone said it’s swinging from its supports.

He says Doug’s trapped on this side with a few of his diggers, most of them are on the other side. Fletcher can’t get home either, he tried to get some food this morning, but nothing was open. He’ll have to stop soon because he’s nearly out of diesel.  

It’s raining in sheets by the time we get to where the ute’s parked, I’m sopping. My phone buzzes and jumps. The messages are in the past. The overseas family are online, seeing what we can’t see, reading what we can’t read.

You can’t get down to the bridge past Woody’s, it’s all slips. We tell him there’s no more gravity-fed water without power, the pipe that goes from the pump goes under the bridge and it’s been ripped out. Fletcher has had nothing to eat all day, could he go down and take him some food?

Pies! he says, and I’m startled. I’ve completely forgotten he’s off the grid and has power.  

The ute goes easily over the slips down the tarseal. The metal on the other side of the cattle stop is a deep gouge but the ute rolls in and out of it and creeps down the ridge of the road that’s left. It churns sturdily through the deep silt. The height of where the water came to is difficult to fathom. Wait till you see the gate, says Phil.

The silt gets higher and we plough through like it like snow, but no snow is as deep and sticky and brown as this. There’s a dead heifer lying on its side on the bank in the sticks with its stiffened leg sticking up, not bloating yet.


Animals were effected by Hawkes Bay flood



There’s no creek running under the culvert. There’s no cattle stop, it’s silted right up to the top of the bars. There’s hardly any road on Puketitiri Rd. It’s all soft mud, rising on either side like sand dunes, down to one lane of tyre marks through the mud.

The Bishop’s house seems to be high enough, and though we pass Mike in his work T-shirt, shorts and gumboots in the rain, we can’t stop to talk because there are cars behind us.

There’s no coverage in town. No one knows what’s happening. There are no traffic lights and it’s murky with low lying rain. Up at the roundabout turning onto the expressway, Trinity Crescent is nose to tail with cars parked up waiting for the police cordon to open the road. The bridge over the Tutaekuri is still emergency vehicles only and it’s the only way to get to Hastings.

The Bishops’ lawn and drive have gone under, but Fiona says that they built the foundations really high when they shifted the house on, the water only got to the steps. Logan’s car that he’s been doing up to sell, he’d just put in the replacement part he’d been waiting for, has got silt all through it and it isn’t insured. Richard and Wendy are ok, the water lapped up to the steps of their house but it didn’t go in.

Then Logan appears at the window, grinning. A small plum coloured car swishes up on the side. Hi, Mrs Schofield! someone familiar says, and then, It’s Syd!

SYD! I’m amazed to see Syd in the mud. I remember him all right, grinning up from some desk in the back row when he knew the seating plan perfectly well. Such a sweet smile, doing exactly nothing or else trying out some utter bullshit to see what I’d say. He knew I’d move him to the front, he loved it, he could whisper to me while he pretended to work. Shut up, Syd, I’d say, and he’d smile, pleased. Then say something else.

I’m going to get 20 litres of diesel for you, he says, You stay right there, so you don’t have to drive.

He’s going to Puketapu Tractors just 2km up the cleared road.

Thanks, Syd, I say. I’ll be parked just a few metres up the road in the next gateway.

He carries on grinning at me, then he disappears.

Watch out, says Fiona, and then, Oh, he can get past, and Logan squeezes by in a squat vehicle with wide wheels, so completely covered in mud it looks like a small tank, impossible to tell what colour it is. It roars off up the road spitting out silt as it goes.

I wait for a fair while but if Syd says he’s getting diesel, then he’s getting diesel.

The mud-mobile turns up, picks politely past me. I wonder what Logan’s doing. As soon as he’s clear, he stops to lock the hub caps, then speeds off through the mud, cutting tracks and spitting up sprays of filth.

Still no sign of Syd.

Logan comes rolling back down the bottom drive. Syd’s sitting in the front, grinning like a maniac. I roll down the window. Syd, you idiot! I say, for old time’s sake.  

They’re still smiling, full of goodwill.

Sitting right there in your car, I say, and I mean it, are two of the most good-hearted, kindest people in the world. They grin, they aren’t the least abashed, then Syd says happily with his best smile, Did you know there’s an even bigger one coming next week?

Hawkes Bay flood afterpath

We rearrange the vehicles later and I pass a small car parked at the bottom of the hill that goes up to Scott’s. It’s steep, the sides have slumped off it all the way up, and a big slip’s pooled at the bottom. You can get through, and drive up, but not in that little car.

The windows are open and there are three small children sitting in the seats, and they seem fine.

They’re still there when I come back and I stop beside them. One’s upside down and one’s in the foot well.

Are you guys all ok?

They look up earnestly. Our Mum’s gone up to that house, says upside-down. He tips himself up, red-faced and flushed. He points vaguely up the hill above, then round-eyed, says importantly, She’s been about an OW-wer.

Oh. Would you like me to drive up there and see if she’s all right?

They nod. An even smaller one with lots of freckles pokes his head between the seats and says, It’s the house with the yellow door. He says again with emphasis, With the YEL-low door.

Ok, the YEL-low door, I say seriously.

They squirm and giggle.

It’s far too much for their little legs. I know that the people up top are ok, but she doesn’t. Half way up, on the steepest bit, I meet her coming down.

I smile at her and say, I came up to see if everything’s ok because the children said, and use his exact tone, She’s been gone about an OW-wer.

She rolls her eyes and looks at her watch and says, seven minutes. But thanks for checking up, mate.



Friday

We can get coverage from the house by hotspotting off my phone and text in direct time

Phil drags a container of petrol for Shianne up the mud on the hill to the ute, and takes it into town. Shianne has accidentally texted the wrong street number. He can see her car, but he can’t see her. I text him the correction but he’s not getting texts. At the number he’s given, the woman tells him, not here, it’s flats with their own numbers, and watches him as he rattles gates and tries doors in the houses by Shianne’s car.

SHIANNE! He yells at the street around him, SHIANNE!

PHIL! She yells back from one of the houses.

When he comes home, he’s running. Quick, he says, Fletcher’s back, and he’s nearly down to the bottom. He’s going to help get the tractor out, and I don’t want to hold him up, he has lots to do.

Fletcher’s already roaring the tractor up the trench he’s dug. The diff-lock got jammed in the mud, so it can’t steer, and it slithers back like a crab.

I got home, he says, but it took me till nine o’clock. 

Which bridge did you use?

Awatoto. I queued up for three hours to get over the bridge. They only let on two tonnes at a time. That’s one car. No trucks.

Thank you so much for coming to help.

I’ve got nothing else to do, he says, with a sunny smile, I’ve got a pass from Civil Defence. I can go where I like. Might as well be helping people. There’s a lot of people to help.


Saturday

It’s a beautiful day, fine and warm. The doors of my car are open, drying out the carpet, growing a dust of mould. Things are going off in the fridges, the mince for the magpies and dogs is starting to stink. There are flies buzzing at the windows.

Phil takes the tractor and blades off the rough bits on the hill. He says we can drive up it with the four-wheel drive cars now, but it’ll be treacherous when it’s wet.

We won’t get metal for months.

He blades off the rough bit of the hill with the tractor and leaves it to dry in the sun. In the evening, we go for a test run. The dogs race up the hill beside Henry’s car and we burst out the top by the ute.

Sunday

Napier is shining green in a pre-earthquake sea that’s the estuary and the rivers all run together.

I’m not in any hurry to go to the other side of town. In my mind, the Expressway runs through rich green grass, the rivers are glittering clear, and I want it to stay that way.



Related Article: Poet Mary Smith avian ardour

Everyday Runway : Secondhand Wardrobe Week

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It’s a circular economy babe. What comes round goes round and to coincide with Secondhand Wardrobe Week Trade Me will stage New Zealand’s first entirely secondhand, biddable fashion show, ‘Everyday Runway’, styled by Sammy Salsa. The one-of-a-kind show will feature renowned Kiwi models alongside some well-known faces.

The show outfits will be sourced entirely from Trade Me, including vintage finds as well as both local and international designs. All pieces will then be available to bid on via the platform, with proceeds donated to RainbowYOUTH. 

To encourage Kiwi to get with the programme, Trade Me is offering free selling this week in its Clothing & Fashion category. WOMAN+ caught up with the inimitable and highly sought after stylist who knows a thing or two about threads – where to find them and how to sell them.



Five questions with Sammy


Tell me about growing up in a large family

I come from a family of four brothers (myself included) and trans-female sister – so five of us all up. Born to immigrant parents of Samoan and Niuean descent who met here in Auckland in the late 70s. Like any Pacific household, our home was filled with laughter, gossip, tears, joy and it was always bustling with extended family members too who would come over for visits and never leave! Lol I’m a millennial so my childhood happened around the 90s way before social media and technology devices – we had to create our own fun and entertainment with each other and what we had at the time. For me, being surrounded by a supportive foundation all my life has helped shape the person I am today. As they say – it takes a village to raise a child!


Did you have younger siblings that you passed items on to or were you one of the younger ones on the receiving end.

I’m the eldest so a lot of my wardrobe made its way down the line to my siblings. My parents are actually a huge influence on me when it comes to fashion – they mimicked a lot of what they saw from their surroundings where they grew up after migration. Dad in Grey Lynn and my mum from Otara incorporated it into their own personal style. They had so much swag, so I wore a lot of their hand-me-downs growing up.


What do you find so exciting about the world of secondhand clothing?

There’s a story behind every piece of pre-loved clothing, it had a life with a previous owner and I see beauty in that.


When you buy new clothes, what are the things you consider before you buy?

I try to be as conscious as I can with new purchases and avoid impulsive buying as much as I can. It’s important for me to understand what’s in my current wardrobe from staple pieces to statement pieces so that I’m not buying things I don’t actually need. This goes for secondhand purchases too. Ask yourself – “Do I really need this?”


What is one of your favourite finds?

I came across so many legendary NZ brands on Trade Me when sourcing for the runway show. Trelise Cooper, Karen Walker, Kowtow but one piece stood out for me and that was the pussy bow blouse with gold metallic floral print from NZ Designer Andrea Moore. This was such a key piece in her collection when it came out in the mid-2000s. Every woman at that time on the red carpet to the street was rocking this blouse. It was a nice nostalgic moment of NZ fashion history.


Secondhand Wardrobe Week clothing found on Trademe
Sammy Salsa found this shirt found on Trade Me


Five Fashion Tips For Buying And Selling On Trade Me

  • If you’re selling items make sure the images of your pieces are nice and clear with great lighting. Ain’t nothing worse than blurry images with very little light!
  • If you are listing make sure your garments are steamed/ironed and wrinkle-free – this will help sell it – trust me!
  • Use keywords in the Trade Me search bar if you’re looking for something specific – including brand names – this helps you find what you’re looking for faster. 
  • Make sure your description of what you’re selling is effective and eye-catching – and easy for whoever is searching for something you’re listing d the Trade Me app so you can shop on the go!
  • Download the Trade Me app so you can shop on the go!


Secondhand Wardrobe Week clothing found on Trademe

Vinnie Bennett and Lily Hoffman wearing Trade Me pieces used for Secondhand Fashion Week


Related article: After 3 Virtual Years, Dunedin Runway Is Ready For Fashion Week

The Benefits of Meditation

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Women meditating with her legs crossed

Look at the experience of learning The Benefits of Meditation as something you get better at slowly. Over time, you will get better at it – if you keep practising. You cannot just click your fingers and be good at it. It is like building muscle, learning the piano, or becoming an artist. It takes commitment and practice, over time, to become good at anything.

If you do commit to learning meditation to tap into a more zen state, then you will reap the benefits. Others will too. If you are in a calmer state, then this has a ripple effect on others around you including your family, friends, and work colleagues. The opposite effect can happen too, i.e. if you are stressed, then others will feel more stress around you. So you can have a powerful impact with your presence.

Meditation has become popular over recent years. It is embraced by a list of celebrities raving about the benefits of this discipline in their lives. 

Advocates include Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Demi Lovato, Katy Perry, Oprah Winfrey, Ariana Huffington and Miley Cyrus, to name some.

Cyrus was quoted in ELLE U.S. magazine in 2019 as saying: “I try to meditate the night before interviews on what my goal is, what I want this to say about me”.



Speaking of another global musician. The online Yoga Journal quoted a yoga and meditation teacher commentating on Rihanna’s halftime performance at the Super Bowl LVII as being very yoga-like. Meditation is a part of yoga.

Some other commentators wished she had danced more or moved more on stage.

But rest coach, mother, wife and obvious Rihanna fan, Octavia Raheem noted in The Yoga Journal: “She looked so comfortable in her own skin that I felt that same way looking at her. She just seemed alright with herself. Very authentic.”

And that moment where Rihanna sat down? Raheem said, “I was like, ‘Wow. I am here for this’.”

The slow, considered movement is seen as a mindfulness approach. Rather than dancing fast and furious on stage, her movements were more considered and with an impact of empowered presence.


Rhihanna at Superbowl 2023


There are many different styles of meditation. You can try a few and find one you like. 

Some types of meditation include: Spiritual meditation, movement meditation, mantra meditation, loving kindness meditation, visualisation meditation, transcendental meditation (which quietens the mind through mantras), mindfulness meditation, to body scan meditations (where you focus on different parts of your body for tension and try to mindfully relax these areas as you breathe slowly and deeply).  

Yoga and Mindfulness facilitator Nicola Gill, runs retreats in the South Island.

She does different styles of meditation – depending on the audience she is working with. For example, her yoga students may get to experience visualisation practices to more deeper, spiritual-style meditations.

Women standing in front of flax tree.
Nicola Gill


But when Gill teaches mindfulness in work places in Nelson, it is more corporate focused, not spiritually-focused, meditation work.

“I tell people they don’t have to be cross-legged. You can be sitting in a chair at work and mindfully having a few moments to centre yourself, and breathe… This can bring clarity and focus in the workplace so you can concentrate on the next task at hand”.

The benefits of meditation are many, says meditation teacher Helena Keenan, who co-leads the Mindful Moments Retreats at Rotorua’s Polynesian Spa. This weekend-long retreat on the lake edge of Rotorua offers a focus on teaching de-stress skills. So things like mindfulness meditation, yoga, breath work, and a luxury massage. Attendees spend time in nature in the Redwoods Forest, and attend a wellness workshop too.

Keenan explaining The Benefits of Meditation at Polynesian spa
Keenan is pictured above on the right in the yoga and meditation room at the Polynesian Spa complex. 


Disclaimer: This writer works alongside Keenan as a yoga and meditation teacher and wellness facilitator, helping to co-lead the Mindful Moments Retreats. I’ve been teaching meditation for a decade, but I love telling students that this took a long time to “get”. When I started, I used to struggle to sit still and be adrift constantly with a busy mind. So, if I can master learning to live life more mindfully, present and calmer with mindful meditation, then anyone can!

Keenan has 11 years’ meditation teaching under her belt and a list of qualifications and work experience in this field in New Zealand and Australia. The Mindful Moments Retreat attracts all kinds of attendees from lawyers and nurses, CEOs to judges and even mums and daughters to couples. Anyone of any gender can attend.

Keenan specialises in mindfulness meditation. 

Mindfulness is all about developing awareness and paying attention to our thoughts and how our body feels in the present – with non-judgment. Keenan says the non-judgment part is especially hard for clients as we all often have judgmental thoughts that we need to learn to tame.

8 Benefits of Meditation

  1. Improves focus.

You learn how to pause, be still and have more clarity in how you can focus on everything going on in your life.

  1. Improves your breathing.

You learn breathing techniques and patterns that help you to breathe well (i.e. deeper, slower, belly breathing) and harness more calm. Keenan says mindfulness meditation even improves how she now experiences her life with asthma. She now breathes better and with more ease.

  1. Increases sleep quality.

            If you feel calmer than your cortisol levels can be managed better and it is easier to fall asleep more deeply and stay asleep.

  1. Elevates your awareness, which helps you to pay better attention to others.

It is only when you become aware of how you are that you can choose how to respond differently.

  1. Helps you to be more present and become a better listener.

When you are more present with people, your listening improves and you can distil your thoughts better and respond more intentionally and skillfully.

  1. Creates new neurological pathways and helps to rewire your brain.

If you practise meditation regularly this can have an impact on your brain pathways and ultimately how you think and feel and process information.

  1. Lowers your blood pressure.

Meditation increases the amount of nitric oxide in your body which can widen blood vessels and make it easier for blood to flow when your heart pumps. Keenan recommends 12 minutes’ meditation daily, or at least five days weekly. However, even a few moments’ meditation can see you reap some benefits of this practice.

  1. Helps you to become more heart-centred and increases your intuition.

Your heart has its own “nervous system” and your brain takes a lot of direction from your heart, explains Keenan.


Related article: Meditation for beginners: How To Do a Candle Gazing Meditation

Peata Melbourne competes at the Kapa Haka Olympics

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This week, Te Matatini, the biggest kapa haka competition in the world, begins in Auckland.  Whakaata Māori news presenter, Peata Melbourne is returning to the stage to pass on to her daughter her love and passion for performing.  

It’s been 20 years since Whakaata Māori news presenter Peata Melbourne has stood on the Te Matatini stage and competed in what has been described as the Olympics of kapa haka, the traditional performing arts of Māori.  


Peata will perform at Te Matatini this year with her daughter, Āiorangi


Related article: Kōrero with Stacey: Reflecting on Polyfest and the joys of kapa haka

Her first time performing on the national stage was in 1996 with the Rotorua group Ngāti Rangiwewehi. She was 18 years old and the team, with experienced performers that included the siblings and children of Sir Howard Morrison, won the competition.  

Peata (Ngāi Tūhoe, Ngāti Porou, Ngāti Kahungunu) describes the feeling of winning as “buzzy”, and says the achievement is a testament to the long hours and dedication it takes to perform kapa haka at the highest level.  

“I know what that winning feeling is like. I know the experience of performing a winning program with my group and I was lucky to get that on my first go,” she explains.  

“I was so proud. I looked up to all of the people that I was performing with. I was lucky that the experienced performers around me were able to support me. I just had to follow them. I was lucky that I had so many people to help hold the fort.’ 

Peata hung up her piupiu in 2002 and left Ngāti Rangiwewehi after their female leader, Atareta Maxwell (Aunty Din), the sister to Sir Howard Morrison, passed away. She led and tutored the team with her husband and former Rotorua deputy mayor, Trevor Maxwell, who stood down from tutoring the group after his wife’s death.  


women in traditional maori costume performing the poi
Peata Melbourne performing the poi


“When Aunty Din passed, it wasn’t going to be the same experience. She and Uncle Trev had run a tight ship. That’s what I loved about Ngāti Rangiwewehi. It wasn’t just about the kapa haka. It was the culture within the group that kept me there. With that leadership gone, it wasn’t going to be the same.” 

Since leaving the group twenty years ago, Peata has forged a career in mainstream and Māori broadcasting. She worked as a presenter and reporter at TVNZ’s Te Karere before moving to Whakaata Maori to front the news show Te Ao Marama.  

Her return to the national kapa haka stage this year was prompted by her 18-year-old daughter, Āiorangi, who wanted to follow in her mother’s footsteps and compete at Te Matatini. Also, Peata met Aiorangi’s father, actor Temuera Morrison, when they were both members of Ngāti Rangiwewehi. This year, mother and daughter will be performing together for the first time and continuing a whānau legacy.  

“I’m here to hold her hand and hand over the rakau (baton), so she can carry on.” 

The pair have been travelling from Auckland to Rotorua every weekend for four months to attend intense practices. Peata says the car ride has been a valuable time to bond with her daughter.  

“It’s been amazing to be spending all this time talking about the things that we love – especially kapa haka. It’s beautiful for me to see her grow in this space. I absolutely love it.” 


Small child dressed in traditional maori costume
Peata at 4 years old performing kapa haka


This year, Te Matatini will celebrate its 50th anniversary. The four days of competition will be held at Auckland’s Eden Pard from Wednesday. Teams will represent iwi from all over the country, bringing with them their unique and distinctive style of performance.  

Peata is looking forward to competing again. She was born into the world of kapa haka. Her parents,the Venerable Dr Te Waaka “Sonny” and Cherry Melbourne, taught kapa haka in Christchurch, Waiouru, and Otaki. The whānau moved to Rotorua when Peata was eight. Living in the capital of Māori cultural tourism, Peata thrived in kapa haka, performing in hotels, and two other kapa haka groups as a teenager.  

“I grew up on the stage. I was already twirling a poi before I could walk. Kapa haka was just part of the world that I grew up in.” 

Peata says kapa haka is also an important way for her and others to learn about Māori traditions and history. 


“The beauty of kapa haka is that when you’re learning songs and haka, you are also learning stories about the area that you’re in, and the stories of your people” – Peata Melbourne


 It all intertwines and you end up retaining the knowledge of tea o Māori.” 

When she joined Ngāti Rangiwewehi at 17, her focus on kapa haka changed from performing for entertainment to fierce competition.  

“There’s a big difference between doing kapa haka to entertain and doing kapa haka to compete. The expectation and commitment from us as performers are huge. It’s all or nothing,” she explains.  

“It teaches you to be focused and to be disciplined. If you want to be at the top of your game, there are certain behaviours and attitudes that you have to bring to the table. You have to have the right attitude.” 

Peata says that she also had strong and positive female role models in the world of kapa haka, like her mother, and her former tutor, her Aunty Din.  

“As a young woman growing up, both of them were very much about teaching us how to behave like a lady, nothing less. To keep your composure and poise in whatever you’re doing. Presentation is the first thing that people see. Both of them were very particular about how you carry yourself off and, on the stage, and how you are perceived by an audience when you’re representing your iwi.” says Peata Melbourne

She has applied these lessons when she’s on TV presenting the news.  

“I’ve drawn on these same skills as a television presenter.  In kapa haka, I’ll put on my piupiu and I know it’s time to perform. In news, I’ll put on my high heels and make-up and I know it’s time to perform. It’s the same thing.” 

In a Te Matatini competition, each group of 40 members will compete by performing a 25-minute bracket, which will include a choral, an entrance onto the stage by the team, a traditional chant, the action song, the poi, the haka, and an exit off the stage. Peata’s favourite discipline is the poi.  

“For me, performing the poi is when I feel the most feminine. I love telling stories with the poi. I love the movement, that you can have it short and long, you can create beats with it, you can twirl it and make it look pretty. I love that it’s a new way to tell a story,” she says.  


“The poi is more than just something that you chuck in your hand and twirl. It’s an extension of your body.” 


Peata says those who have the privilege to grace the Te Matatini stage and perform will have an experience of a lifetime.  

“I do love it when you’re on stage and you hear the applause and see all of the smiles. There’s no feeling like it.” 

Te Matatini is from 22-25 February at Auckland’s Eden Park



Harbour Hide Away

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A couple of seasoned renovators have transformed a dark and dreary bungalow into a light-filled family home. Photographer : Helen Bankers

When Hannah Gordon and her husband, Brooke Bone, first viewed their bungalow in Pt Chevalier, Auckland, they couldn’t believe it had turned its back on the ocean and had lost much of its charm. “The house had lost its personality, with most of the heritage features having been stripped out,” says Hannah. “Walls were blocking the sea views and the living area was orientated away from the ocean.”

Hannah and Brooke could see its potential, having renovated several homes between them over the years, from a cottage in Waterview to a loft conversion in London, but this would prove to be their biggest challenge yet. “When we first saw the house, we could see its potential,” Hannah says. “It’s an older property, across the road from the beach, so I wanted to create a contemporary heritage style, with a touch of the Hamptons to ground it to its seaside location and enhance the home’s elegance.


“My goal was to bring back the character in a way that felt natural, as if it had always looked like this.” The result is a sun-drenched family home with plenty of space for their sons, Sol, four, and Albee, one, to romp around, both inside and out. When they embarked on the project, making the most of the coastal location was key. With this in mind, they negotiated a clause in their purchase agreement that allowed them to trim neighbouring trees to open up the view.

They drew on their extensive experience to come up with a new and improved layout. “Downstairs, it felt like a rabbit warren, so we removed walls, widened the hallways, created internal access to the garage, and opened up the front entrance with a seating area,” says Hannah. “We hung a large Grace Wright painting in the entrance and painted the front door pink to match the artwork, to give the entrance a much-needed focal point.”


More walls were knocked out upstairs, and steel beams were added to create a consistent ceiling level. The couple are rapt with the way the remodelled living and kitchen area turned out, with its wall of glass doors to the deck. “The transformation to the house was huge,” says Hannah. “It’s now a beautiful, sunny, light- filled space that has views across the harbour from the lounge, living, dining and deck.”

An adjoining lounge, which doubles as a playroom and TV room for the boys, can be shut off from the open-plan living area when required, thanks to a sliding door. “We didn’t make many changes to our plans along the way but that was something that we added,” says Hannah. “We decided the ceiling-hung sliding door would be a good idea, giving us the option to separate the two living areas. We’re really happy that we did that. There are times when it’s handy having two defined spaces, one for the children to hang out in and another for the adults.”

Another important tweak involved moving the laundry. “It was positioned off the lounge and had the best view of the backyard,” says Hannah. “We relocated the laundry to the main bathroom and opened the lounge up to the back garden with glass doors.” An artist and designer, Hannah took charge of the decor. “I love colour, especially unexpected tones paired together, but for our family home I wanted a timeless palette,” she says. “When we moved in, there was very little natural light and the interior had a lot of browns and dark colours, with a mixture of floor finishes. It felt dated and oppressive. I opted for lighter colours throughout, more gallery-like, along with hues referencing
the nearby ocean.”


In keeping with its nod to the Hamptons, the interior is light and bright, with a sophisticated yet beachy vibe that comes across as effortless
and calming. “I’m drawn to the tactile quality of materials, natural textures and patterns, and adding something slightly unexpected to the mix,” Hannah explains. “These factors certainly influenced much of the decision-making with this renovation, from the pronounced extra-soft loop of the carpet to the brass handles in the kitchen cabinetry and velvety smooth marble benchtops.”

Hannah finds the renovation process satisfying. “I always look for ways to improve a place. I enjoy the initial creative phase, and it’s also really exciting when walls are knocked out and views are exposed. And of course I love finishing a project and seeing the final transformation.


‘I love colour, especially unexpected tones paired together, but for our family home I wanted a timeless palette.“

“With this place, we had a clear vision of the look and feel we wanted and it was smooth sailing. Brooke is very trusting of my style but was clear when he did not like something. I value and trust his opinion so the final decisions are always made together.”

The result is a spacious and inviting family home that hits the sweet spot between style and substance. After making such a dramatic improvement, it’s hard to believe the family would ever consider moving, but Hannah and Brooke have already found their next project.

“It’s a home around the corner that has a large section and swimming pool. It doesn’t need as much work as this one but I’m looking forward to making some changes,” she says. ”There’s also a part of me that would relish the opportunity to build a new home one day. I do like a challenge!”


Best Place To Get Cocktails In Wellington

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Wellington is a fabulous place to get cocktails. You walk everywhere, and everything is close by. There is a cocktail bar for every occasion, and if your Cocktail day starts at 5pm, there is a bar until 5 am. How do I know? Years of practice … or, shall we say, bitters experience … 

Caught in a sudden spring rainstorm, I got to Hot Sauce at the QT Hotel by the waterfront at 5pm, and immediately realised that my weekend was off to a good start, right then and there. Friendly greeting, efficient staff, in sleek, bright  surroundings, with a list of six signature cocktails, and a soul- filled soundtrack, this bar is approachable and easy, whether you’re in an after- work crowd, or a slightly drenched lone drinker. The cocktails are modern Asian-influenced spins on the classics, such as the Yuzu Sour, a take on a Whisky Sour, with a sweeter whisky, lemongrass syrup, egg white and yuzu syrup instead of citrus. Likewise, the Japanese style Negroni – campari, plum liqueur replacing vermouth, Kokutu Umeshu instead of sugar, and a Raku gin made of six botanicals. The tastes lean to tart rather than sweet, with all the sugars replaced by natural ingredients. Pair their cocktails with popcorn chicken, and Friday night has begun! 

Later that Friday night, I visited Hawthorn Lounge in a speakeasy hideaway, upstairs on Tory Street. A carefully curated cocktail list, with highly knowledgeable service from a floor show of bar staff slapping, tossing, stirring, flinging, spearing, whisking, drumming, and garnishing your drink to perfection. A jazz soundtrack, plus low, flattering lighting that makes everyone look good, and you have all you need for Adulting cocktail time, either at the start of the evening or in the very early morning. The Rapscallion is a Manhattan style drink, with sweetness like raisins, from the sherry and star anise, and salty smokiness from olives and whisky. The Vodka Sour has vanilla vodka, manuka honey replacing sugar syrup, fresh lemon, bitters, egg white and the spiciness of garam marsala. This bar is not afraid of bold ingredients and inventive flavours, making it a very sophisticated place for conversation, whether with friends, colleagues, out-of-town visitors, or with the international bar staff telling the stories and histories of how their cocktails came to be.  



Black Sparrow is a smart casual, subtly stylish basement bar at the end of Courtenay Place, inside the beautiful Embassy theatre, which boasts two small cinemas and the largest screen in town. This bar is part of a whole night out – cocktails and a movie – but also worth a visit on its own, with everyone making a movie star entrance, down their long and glamorous hallway.  The cocktail list is eclectic, each one referring to a film poster on the wall, which the bar staff are happy to chat about. I had the 36th Chamber, which my Hong Kong friends were quick to explain is a tribute to a Kung Fu film of the 1970s. It’s a short, sharp high kick of a Negroni, with gin, benedictine, campari and Coochi Rosa (an aperitivo fortified wine, used instead of vermouth). The Black Sparrow is great to meet friends (or a date) for a cocktail before a festival film in one of the smaller cinemas, or a beer before the big screen. 



The Library is upstairs on Courtenay Place. Known for its slick, fast and friendly service, great bar food, and live music three nights a week, and huddling into one of their many booths. But the best time of the day is Sweet Tooth Time, because their cocktails come with matching desserts. Try the cheeky Lower Hutt Lemon Meringue, with vanilla vodka, lemon curd, lemon juice and a blow torched meringue topping, partnered with the Whoops I Dropped It which is an upside down ice cream cone filled with chocolate mousse, fairy bread crumb, vanilla gelato, and strawberry gel.  The Twentieth Century is lemon, lime, gin and white chocolate liqueur, paired with a dark chocolate dessert. If you like your drinks less sweet, try the Hemingway Maitai which combines three types of rum, including Gunpowder Rum (made with real gunpowder). These delicious novelties result from the thought and effort the staff take, creating the stories behind each cocktail, with a list changing every six weeks to reflect the mood and the times of what is happening around the city. The Library is a feel-good place to celebrate life and enjoy the company of a group of friends.



The Hanging Ditch is great for quiet, low-key, easy times such as rainy afternoons (Wellington? No!) or Sunday evenings with a friend or a date. It’s got a pre-dinner or post-dinner comfortable feel, with old leather seats, 60s and 70s soul music, exposed brick walls, wooden floors, and at the same time, quirky, with all the liquor bottles hanging from bungy cords from the roof behind the bar. This is a place that does not take itself seriously (a soon -to- be – planned menu may feature the cocktails of Dr Suess). Their cocktail menu wants to take it relaxed and easy, too –  simple, approachable drinks of fewer (but interesting) ingredients, for quick service. The Ebony Falcon has cynar (artichoke bitter liqueur), smoked spiced rum, Licor 43 (Spanish vanilla with 43 botanicals), lime and pineapple. While that drink is a soulful balladeer, their Larry Sherbert is all pop princess. It consists of vanilla vodka, lemon, passionfruit, pineapple and coconut, the glass rimmed not with sugar, but with fizzing, popping sherbert to tickle your lips. The Hanging Ditch is the place to chill and hang out – just like their bottles! 


4 Cocktail Recipes to Host a Flawless Party

The Stolen Treasure Of New Zealand: Te Motonui Epa

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Te Motonui Epa Book Cover

Dr Rachel Buchanan (Taranaki, Te Ātiawa) is an author, historian, archivist, journalist and curator. Her recent book Te Motonui Epa (Bridget Williams Books, 2022) tells the story of a treasured set of carved pātaka (storehouse) panels that were smuggled out of the country in the 1970’s.

When they resurfaced at a Sotheby’s auction years later it prompted a long and complicated process to bring them home again. It is a compelling story that involves skullduggery and theft and greed and it is written with the eye of a writer who thinks like a poet. We asked her some questions about her work.


Dr Rachel Buchanan author of Te Motonui Epa
Dr Rachel Buchanan


You use a number of voices throughout your book. the historical. the theatrical, the voice of your tupuna and of the carvings to name a few. Many times your voice is that of a poet. Do you associate your own voice with any particular voice or voices?

I suppose there’s something of me in all the different voices in the book but especially the cheeky, playful, poetic parts or the passages that are a bit cross. I’ve never felt comfortable with the voice – or tone – used in some works of history. The ‘I know everything’ voice, the voice of absolute certainty and authority, that has never sat well with me, right from the days of doing my PhD. I remember waiting for the voice of certainty to come but the more research I did, the more uncertain I felt. The more you know about any topic, the bigger the grey area seems to be. Maybe this is why I don’t enjoy writing that is too definitive. I like uncertainty and speculation, writing with plenty of room for readers to make up their own minds about the events being described. 


The book is so evocative on so many levels. In terms of the cultural taonga of Maori how would you address the issues of the return of taonga. For instance the now common appearance of taonga from private collections,

Every iwi and hapū will have their own answers to this question. It’s a big one. Obviously, we (Te Ātiawa and uri of Taranaki more broadly) are very happy that the Motunui Epa are back home after decades in private hands but I feel a deep sense of sadness at the number of taonga held at the British Museum, for example. There are literally thousands of taonga tuku iho over there in London, including hundreds of treasures from Taranaki, and they’ve been away from home for ages, a century or more. What are they doing there?


Te Motunui Epa, Rachel Buchanan book cover in front of white background
Te Motunui Epa, Rachel Buchanan book cover in front of white background


Do you have views about the purchase of taonga from overseas back to Aotearoa that are without provenance and is the mere fact of their return enough or is there a mechanism possible for returning to iwi and hapu that could be explored.

Provenance is such a tricky concept and one that I grappled with a lot when I was writing this book. Most of the taonga in the British Museum have a very thin provenance. The museum catalogue uses a lot of code words to describe how taonga got to the museum – words like ‘acquired’, ‘collected’, ‘donated’ or ‘presented’ but these words hide other motives and actions on the part of collectors, institutions and, perhaps, our ancestors. I did ask the museum about the provenance of a couple of Taranaki taonga they hold but their records are just so patchy and vague. That’s why I like the idea of an extended provenance that encompasses not just the moment a taonga was created and lived as part of its community but also its life once it was taken or removed and – ideally – returned!


While ‘stolen taonga’ may be claimed by the Crown, what right action ought to then be instigated or do these become part of public property?

What I loved about researching the journey of the Motunui Epa was the way they educated lawyers and public servants about ownership, history and relationships, particularly utu. Taonga such as these carvings were created before the Treaty, before the (British) Crown arrived as an imperial power in Aotearoa, before New Zealand itself existed. Of course such taonga are not owned by the Crown or by ‘the public’ or by New Zealand. They are more ancient and more powerful than a pretty recent nation state and ought to be cared for by their descendants.


How long did the writing process for Te Motonui Epa take? Did you feel ‘possessed’ while involved in the project and how do you feel now that it is completed?

It took two to three years to research and write this book. The first big burst of writing was in the second half of 2020 when I was on extended leave from work and I was totally absorbed in the process. I live in Melbourne and the city was in lockdown for months and it often felt like I would never be able to return to Taranaki or New Zealand again. Writing a first draft really saved me from despair. I worked steadily through 2021 as well and three more lockdowns but this was a much harder process because I was combining writing the book with my paid employment as a speechwriter. I did many 7-day weeks and got pretty exhausted so I felt over the moon when the book was launched and out in the world. My mentor, Mahara Okeroa, was delighted (and probably relieved) too. So were my partner and kids. The many challenges, dramas and excitement of writing the book shaped their lives too.


What is your next project?

I don’t know. I’m still recovering from this one!




Te Motunui Epa, Rachel Buchanan book cover in front of white background
Te Motunui Epa, Rachel Buchanan
RRP $49.99 Bridget Williams Books


Related article: Te Motonui Epa Book Extract

What’s On for the North Island This March

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Up in the North we could all use a little music and entertainment to ease the heaviness of the rocky start to 2023. Here is everything to add to your March calendar North Islanders. 

My Chemical Romance
11th March – Western Springs, Auckland
My Chemical Romance are set to perform in several cities, bringing their energetic live show to fans across the country. This highly anticipated event is expected to sell out, so fans should secure their tickets as soon as possible. 

Back Street Boys
11th March – Spark Arena, Auckland
Get ready to sing along to “Everybody” as the legendary boy band performs live across the country. Secure your tickets now for a night of nostalgia.


Harry Styles crouched down with hand in head. Red garbic background
Harry Styles ‘Love On Tour’
7th March – Auckland, Mt Smart Stadium

Snoop Dog ‘I Want To Thank Me’ tour
11th March – Auckland & 10th March – Christchurch
Snoop Dogg’s “I Want To Thank Me” tour is a celebration of his career and accomplishments in the music industry. The tour features performances of his classic hits and new tracks from his latest album of the same name. 

Beacon Festival
Saturday 18th March – 19th March – Auckland, Shed 10

Kevin Hart Reality Check Tour 2023
22nd March – Spark Arena, Auckland


Florence and The Machine tour cover
Florence and The Machine
21st March – Spark Arena, Auckland


Auckland Arts Festival 
9th-26th March – locations across Auckland

The Auckland Arts Festival is one of New Zealand’s largest and most anticipated cultural events, showcasing a diverse range of local and international talent. The festival features a wide range of performances, including theatre, dance, music, and visual arts, and takes place over several weeks in venues across Auckland. With a focus on promoting innovation and diversity, the Auckland Arts Festival offers something for everyone, from world-class productions to emerging artists. 


Basement Jaxx 
31st March, Auckland Town Hall


Kings Of Leon
22nd March – Spark Arena, Auckland

An Evening with Eckhart Tolle
14th March, Victory Convention Centre, Auckland


2 men on horses at the Lexus Urban Poloo
Lexus Urban Polo
11th March – Auckland Domain


Lorde
4th March – Auckland, Western Springs

Indulge Auckland
23rd March – 24th March, Auckland – Wynyard Quarter, Auckland
Indulge Auckland is a premier food and wine festival in New Zealand, showcasing the best in local and international cuisine. The festival features a wide range of food and drink stalls, cooking demonstrations, and interactive workshops, as well as live DJ’s. 


February 3rd – March 11th. Christchurch, Wellington & Auckland. Find your local bar here.

Pasifika Festival
18th & 19th  March, Auckland – Bruce Pulman Park & Western Springs
The Pasifika Festival is an annual celebration of Pacific Island culture in Auckland, New Zealand. The festival features a wide range of performances, including traditional dances, music, food, and crafts from the Pacific Island nations.



Auckland Craft Beer & Food Festival 2023
Saturday 18th March, Auckland –  Spark Arena

CubaDupa 2023
25th – 26th March, Cuba Street, Wellington. 
CubaDupa transforms the city’s Cuba Street into a lively, colourful street party, celebrating the city’s vibrant culture and diversity. The festival features a range of music, dance, art, food, and more.


WOMAD
10 – 13th March, Bowl of Brooklands, Taranaki


Auckland Art Fair 2023
2nd March – 5th March – The Cloud, Auckland Waterfront
Aotearoa New Zealand’s premier showcase for contemporary art. Visit the waterfront and see 180+ artists and 40 different galleries from far and wide.



Summer of Gwen x Azabu long lunch
Azabu Mission Bay, Friday 17th March, 12pm – 4pm.
To celebrate the Summer of Gwen, Church Road would like to invite wine lovers to join them for an intimate three-course lunch in conversation with Shit You Should Care About Founder, Lucy Blakiston. Grab some girlfriends and enjoy a class of Gwen wine and listen to inspiring trail blazing women.


Jim Beam Homegrown 2023
18th March – Wellington Waterfront
With a focus on promoting the country’s rich music scene, Jim Beam Homegrown features a lineup of both local and international artists. The festival, held annually in Wellington, showcases the best in Kiwi talent across a range of musical genres, including rock, hip hop, and electronic dance music. 

Jim Bean Homegrown festival


Related article: Whats On For March In The South Island


What’s Love Got to Do With It? Movie Review

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Love marriage and arranged marriage are two routes to getting hitched, with a few detours packed in, this surprisingly good romcom rides them both for laughs and for love,  writes Theo Macdonald.


What’s Love Got to Do With It? opens with London documentary filmmaker Zoe (Lily James) running late for her Pakistani neighbour’s wedding. She arrives at the terraced house to a flurry of disco balls, dancing, and her mother, Cath (Emma Thompson), taking a breather and a nip of booze, as saucy middle-aged rom-com mothers are wont to do. Dazzled, Zoe heads outside to find Kazim (Shazad Latif), the groom’s brother and Zoe’s girlhood crush, up in the family treehouse, sneaking a cigarette. Their reunion is disrupted by Kazim’s revelation that he has finally bowed to his parents’ pressure and agreed–aged 32–to an arranged marriage. 

The board is set, and we all know the rules. Kazim visits matchmakers, and Zoe, stifling her anguish, convinces him and his family to let her film the entire process as a documentary. This last wrinkle is a convincing rationale for her renewed involvement in Kazim’s life, as Zoe and her mother join the family in Lahore to meet his bride-to-be. The documentary angle also lets Zoe pry into the subject of arranged marriage by interviewing flourishing couples and drawing challenging parallels to the social mechanics of ‘love marriage’.


2 people staring at each other smiling.


The story also contains a lot of threads not covered in this brief synopsis, some more exciting than others. Career-focused Zoe is perpetually unlucky in love. This rom-com chestnut is usually all fine and dandy, but the film’s suggestion that her promiscuity is a form of self-harm carries too strong a touch of slut-shaming. Zoe babysits for a friend with a disintegrating marriage and dispatches her dating history to the children as a turgid string of strained fairy tale parodies, e.g., “Little Red Riding Hood did eccy and hooked up with a chav in the ladies’ room”. More soul-stirring is a prodigal son subplot about Kaz’s sister, who the family hasn’t seen in over a year since she married a white non-muslim man. There’s also a funny dog that eats Emma Thompson’s HRT patches. 


Lily James and Emma Thompson in 'Whats Love Got To Do With It' movie


This narrative surplus is likely a consequence of the film’s unexpected authenticity. What’s Love Got To Do With It? is directed by Shekhar Kapur (Elizabeth: The Golden Age) from the debut screenplay of renowned journalist Jemima Goldsmith, who married cricket icon–and Pakistani Prime Minister–Imran Khan in 1995 and lived in Lahore until their 2004 divorce. With this in mind, the jumble of plot feels like Goldsmith trying to wrangle her thick experience of cross-cultural marriage into a rom-com frame. Although we don’t exactly dive into the ethics of documentary filmmaking, the challenges thrown at Zoe about her right to remark on Pakistani values feel drawn from Goldsmith’s background working as a journalist in Lahore. 

Sharp wit ornaments the dialogue, and some jokes are genuinely left-of-field. Although a batty mother character can be fun for pricking the cross-cultural tension, Emma Thompson wears out her welcome. The trick is to leave us wanting more, and by the second half, it feels like the lingering close-ups of Cath’s one-liners are keeping the story at bay. Shabana Azmi and Jeff Mirza are much more comically rewarding as Kaz’s conservative parents, as is Asim Chaudhry as arranged marriage guru Mo the Matchmaker.  

Other strengths of the film are the delightfully expressionistic cinematography–which dances with credibility in one scene when a dramatic blue tint reflects a ripening argument–and generous set dressing. Highlights include Zoe’s shelf of Lonely Planet guides, visible when her producers say her documentary has a ‘white lens’, and Kazim’s framed photo of the Guggenheim Museum. Shazad Latif plays Kazim with the charm and allure a leading man needs. Kazim confronts Zoe on her fantasy of easy multiculturalism, a tension treated sincerely by the film. His character is a modern man who knows his own values and respects his family’s, even where they differ. Lily James has less to do playing Zoe, going from self-doubt to indecision, but she does live on a houseboat, which is pretty cool, even if none of her one-night stands say so. 

What’s Love Got To Do With It? wants to be a grand statement about the complexity of romance and its relationship to family. At a certain point, the characters were pontificating far too much, and you have to wonder if the whole city took a class in monologue. Nonetheless, the film possesses a rich, gratifying sentiment, able to satisfy despite its excesses. 


Tame Your Thoughts and Find Calm

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The way you think has an influence over how you feel, behave and respond. Thoughts flood through our minds rapidly and constantly and so it is easy to get swept away by some “sticky thoughts” that are unhelpful.

It would be helpful to have a tap where you could switch off those thoughts that trip you up and that make you feel anxious, nervous, stressed or depressed, or lead you to self-sabotaging behaviour.

That switch does not exist unfortunately. The human mind is always wandering. We are all prone to “unhelpful thinking” like jumping to conclusions, catastrophizing, and all-or-nothing thinking.

We cannot stop these kinds of thoughts. But we can learn to tame them. So when unhelpful thoughts grip your mind in a tug of war, you can use tools to choose to think differently and move onto living your life more calmly and joyfully.

You need to start first with awareness. Next comes acknowledgement. Then you can see your truth and see yourself differently to work on yourself and further become your best self. Some ways to do this include catching thoughts early i.e. asking yourself “is this thought a fact or opinion?” and then pausing to create space to see thoughts differently so you “do not spiral into them”.

So says Rebekah Ballagh, author of Be Your Best Self: Ten Life Changing Ideas to Reach Your Full Potential. She is also the best selling author of Note to Self, Note to Self Journal, Words of Comfort and Big Feelings.


Be Your Best Self, Rebekah Ballagh. RRP $32.99.


The Nelson counsellor, self-development coach, mindfulness teacher, and mum (to her gorgeous three-year-old daughter Mikah) hopes her new book will make you feel like you are not alone. Catching unhelpful thought patterns, when they arise, will allow for more self compassion and growth.

She shares life changing ideas in her book to help you reach your potential. Chapters include understanding your emotions, your inner critic and your inner worth, to how to tame worry, anxiety, perfectionism, control, to understanding your core beliefs, and more.


Women sitting on the floor with her head in her hands.
Image credit: Shutterstock


The book boasts a “smorgasbord” of wellness tool offerings that can help you to be your best self. You choose what you want to work on.

The book is a colourful, education-rich guide on what to do to get your mind in a healthier and happier place and out of  patterns like self-sabotage or not feeling good enough.

What sets this book apart from other wellness books is that it is rich in so many learnings on issues that impact so many women. Anxiety, and depression rates in New Zealand continue to snowball in a world impacted by Covid, high inflation, natural disasters and other trauma. Many women also struggle with issues like self worth, self love and self sabotage as they are known to nurture loved ones first.

Concepts in the book are made simple to understand. It also offers the all important next steps on how to move forwards and work constructively on your own wellbeing and healing. The tips are in abundance and easy to do. If you follow Ballagh’s words of wisdom, then you could save thousands on your own counselling sessions.

Ballagh says the ideas in the book emerged after identifying trends with clients.

Women from all over the world, from Poland to New Plymouth, are flocking to her counselling sessions online from her Nelson office.

The traditional counselling one-on-one model has been flipped. Up to 200 people can cram into one of her courses at a time online and 350,000 people follow her free tips on social media. A popular session she ran recently was on “how to release fight energy” – or in plain speak “how to release anger”. She says if women hold onto anger and do not learn how to release it then “it can get stuck in the body”.

It can manifest as things like bloating, headaches, or changing your breathing pattern, or result in something like debilitating stress, or other more serious health issues.

You have to learn how to complete the stress cycle to find calm. Using your body, not just your brain, can help too. Ballagh will sometimes get her clients to do things like movement, or hitting a cushion or doing isometric muscle exercises to release tension.

You can also tell this book is a heart-connected offering of help from Ballagh. She is vulnerable and shares her own journey, noting in the book that she has had a history of anxiety, panic attacks, depression and struggles with self-worth and living with a harsh inner critic.

I ask her to elaborate on this while on our zoom call from my Auckland office to her Nelson home office, while Mikah bounces in and out of the screen while watching a favourite TV show. She laughs about her daughter doing “a sneak and peek” into our interview.

In the next breath, while juggling being a busy mum, Ballagh shares some of her journey.

“I’ve had anxiety most of my life… I just didn’t know what it was when I was younger. I was 25 when I started having panic attacks too while I was waiting for a health diagnosis (of a brain tumour that thankfully ended up benign).”

She is passionate about sharing her own struggles because she has proudly learnt how to manage these and can now go on TV live or speak at conferences without feeling panic.

“It’s a testimony that what I teach actually works”.


Rebekah Ballagh, author of Be Your Best Self.
Image by Katrina Tikey


Ways to Restore Your Calm.

  1. Cross your arms over your chest. Place your hands on your shoulders and alternately tap your hands in a slow, calming rhythm while breathing deeply into your belly.
  2. Try humming, chanting, or singing.
  3. Plunge your face into a bowl of cold water for up to 60 seconds. This stimulates something called a dive reflex which instantly slows down your heart rate to conserve oxygen. This can relieve anxiety, stress or panic and elevate your mood.
  4. Meditate or practice yoga. These practices can calm your nervous system using breath work.
  5. Practice mindfulness. Notice emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations without judgement. Accept and allow. Name and acknowledge thoughts with curiosity.
  6. Have a cold shower. This experience helps us to adapt to harsher conditions – which can help with your resilience to stress.
  7. Gargle water loudly. The sensation activates the vagus nerve in your neck.
  8. Practice belly breathing. When you are stressed, you can breathe faster and higher up in the chest. When you over breathe you throw the balance of carbon dioxide and oxygen in your system, and this causes symptoms from anxiety to insomnia, headaches and fatigue to light headedness and the inability to think clearly. So, try slowing your breathing down.


I Give You A Storm

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Although she has written extensively about other people; brilliant biographies on artists and writers, expatriate New Zealanders whose lives under her penship have been honoured and tenderly understood. Joanne Drayton this month publishes a memoir about her own life. The Queen’s Wife is a funny and unconventional love story that is also a quest for family identity and a terrific read. Here she writes for WOMAN+ about the genesis of that story and how a true love affair changed the course of her life.



Today is Valentine’s Day and the last day, hopefully, of Gabrielle’s severe battering of storm-damaged New Zealand. Love and storms. Concepts at odds, or at least they seem to be. ‘I give you an onion,’ ex-UK-poet-laureate Carol Ann Duffy writes in her poem Valentine. An eye-watering Valentine’s gift—an onion—given instead of a bunch of red roses or a satin love heart. Duffy’s poem peels back the tired yet comfortable metaphors, challenging notions of romantic love.

If I were to give my Valentine, Sue, a symbolic gift tonight at dinner, then it might be a storm just like the one that’s still rattling windows, tearing at trees and turning people’s lives upside down. ‘I give you a storm’, I could say to her, with its dangerousness, and mad all-consuming intensity. And if I did, Sue would know exactly what I meant. Like you do when someone offers you a red rose, or a love heart.

I guess the circumstances of our meeting made storms almost inevitable. We met at Canterbury University, in Christchurch, in 1989. I was a mature-student seeking intellectual asylum. Sue had ambitions to be a painter.

We had both been at home raising two children each, for the last seven years. University was our yellow-brick-road to adult conversation and the world of ideas and creativity. I was studying art history, with the idea that I might do an MA in the subject, and Sue was taking it as part of her Fine Arts degree. Sue had already completed a design diploma and, I, a BA in English and History. This was our second bite at the academic apple.

Our meeting probably was the perfect storm. We were two women roughly the same age, isolated in our suburban homes, hungry for adult company and desperate to claw back a little of our old selves from the bottomless chasm of motherhood. We weren’t looking for anything more than friendship, but in that mad mix of elements was the potential for much more. Our lives wove themselves together naturally as they do when you meet a kindred spirit. The children (aged between four and seven years old) ran wild, as if they had always been friends. They played together at university, at exhibition openings, when we visited museums, parks, gardens, swimming pools and at our homes. And we were together, too.

We loved our children, we loved art and literature, and ultimately, we came to love each other.

But love between two women was not something I had been brought up to regard positively. Marriage was the only option I had seriously entertained. My parents talked in hushed tones about women who failed to find a mate. These unfortunates, called spinsters, lived on shelves, and their whole existence was a sad, dusty waiting. They were observers, by-standers rather than participants in life. Lesbians, of course, were unspeakably worse. They didn’t just fail to find a mate: they were twisted enough not to look for one! This wasn’t me. I wanted to be a fully enfranchised citizen. So, I wed an Anglican minister. 


The storm raged. Inside my head, when I was bruised and buffeted by my own internalized homophobia and guilt, and outside when our love affair was publicly exposed. The way it felt cannot, for me, be more succinctly communicated than it is in The Queen’s Wife.

Before, I was a wife and mother: benign, wholesome, good. Now I was heinous. Overnight I fell from grace. Even I had thought that my coming out might change me. I had hoped there would be some shift. Not necessarily detectable when you looked in the mirror, but a deep-down change. Disappointingly, there was just the same old me looking back. But what did shift on its axis was the way I was perceived. The dizzying fall from an ex- minister’s wife to lesbian vamp would not have seemed much less quantum than Satan’s own fall. That thump when you hit rock bottom in everyone’s estimation is a moment of absolute clarity, when you see yourself stripped bare of all illusion … 




Inside was the void and outside the nakedness. When your identity has been liquidated, you either accept your empty invisibility or you fight it. If you take on the struggle to reconstruct ‘self’, then it is a brutalising battle waged under the glaring white-light of absolute honesty. There are no deceptions left. Sue and I would both make this journey to reimagine our identities. It would become an unlocking and a discovery. But in the meantime the imperative was simply to survive. 

And survive we did, for over 30 years … however it was anything but easy, and I guess that’s what prompted me, in part, to write The Queen’s Wife. The metaphor that underpins it—the game of chess—predates the book. While I was lecturing in art and design history at Unitec, I began carving a chess set based on the Lewis Chessmen. I started this project in order to have an art practice—bone carving—and these ancient Viking pieces had always intrigued me. I naively thought this might help me keep my job. But alas, no. When Unitec laid off most of its design staff in 2014, I was among them.

In the chaos of the ‘who am I now?’ and ‘where am I going?’, I began writing The Queen’s Wife. When I set out on a walk from Waterview to the Auckland War Memorial Museum on All Hallow’s Eve in 2014, I penned the Prelude on a small pad that sat in the palm of my hand. I didn’t know what shape the book would take or that this was the beginning. But I liked the way it made me feel, and I knew I wanted to go on. Writing became cathartic. A sigh, an exhaling of breath that exorcised ghosts, and satisfied as well as saddened.

I wanted readers to laugh at the things we had laughed at. I wanted them to know that love and storms often arrive together. This is universal, but especially true of lesbian love that has traditionally been dismissed, ridiculed, even persecuted. And still is. I wanted to write a story that would have helped the youthful me make better choices and understand relationships in a more expansive way. And, see ‘Love,’ as Maya Angelou writes, as something that, ‘recognises no barriers. [That] jumps hurdles, leaps, fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.’

The Queen’s Wife is published by Penguin Random House $29.95

Pride Month: Our Rainbow Trailblazers

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To celebrate Pride month, WOMAN+ meets three whakawahine (trans) and takatāpui (rainbow) TV stars who are blazing a new trail.

Gathering three vibrant and vivacious whakawahine (trans) and takatāpui (rainbow) personalities together in one room automatically incites lots of laughter and celebration. Actor Awa Puna (Shortland Street), stage and screen performer Brady Peeti (Ahikāroa), and make-up artist Gee Pikinga (TV’ Project Runway and Glow Up NZ) are breaking down barriers and represent a new wave of rainbow influencers.  



Awa (23) and Brady (34) were recently cast in major female roles and not as trans characters: Awa in the 2022 film Whina and Brady as the leading lady in last year’s Australian professional production of the musical Jekyll and Hyde.  


Brady Peeti standing with hands on her hips in a red floral dress
Brady Peeti (Ahikāroa)

“It was a beautiful experience being cast in Whina,” says Awa, who is currently on our screens playing the role of Gia Te Atakura on Shortland Street. “I was chosen for the role because of my talent in acting. I wasn’t being defined by my ‘trans-ness’ and that was reaffirming.” 

Aoteaora has been leading the way in terms of trans storytelling. Last year, the TV show Rūrangi, about the trans experience in New Zealand, won a prestigious international Emmy Award in New York City.  

Brady says after years of being relegated to victim tropes and other negative stereotypes, trans women on stage and screen are finally being seen and heard – and she and Awa are leading the charge.  


“We are fortunate to be living in an era where we can turn on the TV and can see ourselves reflected back on the screen. When I was growing up, I didn’t see anyone like me,”


“It’s about living and working on our own terms. We’ve arrived at a place of being centered in the places where we work. We are accepting jobs that uplift and enhance us. Our storytelling has gotten to the point now where we’ve seen the ‘coming out’ story. We’re now being offered roles where we can explore more than just our ‘trans-ness’. We can explore our human-ness.” 


Gee Pikinga standing in a black hat
Gee Pikinga


Gee (39), who identifies as takatāpui, is supporting the kōrero. As a leading make-up artist, they have seen tolerance and support in their own industry. 

“Our community has always been celebrated in the fashion and beauty world. I stand firmly and self-assured that I hold this space,” they explain.  

“But what Brady and Awa have achieved in the performance industry is revolutionary. They are not only contending for, but they are winning roles as leading ladies. Their industry is validating their existence and they are blazing a path for others.” 

All three acknowledge the trailblazers who came before them and who they looked up to. The world’s first trans mayor and Member of Parliament, New Zealand’s Georgina Beyer, is an inspiration.

Awa Puna standing holding brown skirt and green sheer top
Awa Puna


Awa says: “I looked up to a lot of people when I was trying to figure out who I was and now I’ve become that person to others.” 

Gee reaffirms: “Sometimes we had to wear a mask to survive. Then we found, holistically and organically, that set of people that we now call our whānau because they enabled us to be the best true versions of ourselves.” 

 Gee says it’s important to be visible so they can inspire trans and rainbow youth.  

 “A lot of our young ones are still in survival mode, searching for those who can accept them for who they are. I hope they can find their click of humans that will help and nurture them.” 

 For LGBTQ+ youth support, contact Rainbow Youth at www.ry.org.nz


Related article: Auckland Pride Month: The Progress Of Pride

Brady Peeti, Awa Puna and Gee Pikinga standing together celebrating pride month



Gee Pikinga holding coffee sitting on a hair
Awa Puna and Brady Peeti sitting on couch together

 

Brady Peeti, Awa Puna and Gee Pikinga standing together on a couch speaking to Aroha



For LGBTQ+ youth support, contact Rainbow Youth at www.ry.org.nz


Kiwi CrossFitter Star Jamie Simmonds

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Most Kiwis generally know the names of top New Zealand female athletes in the likes of rugby, soccer, netball and shot-put, But more should know Jamie Simmonds’ name and the extent of her fame.

Why she is not so well known is due to her only ever competing overseas – and so far never at home (despite representing this country).

The 31-year-old from Dunedin has signed up for the world’s biggest fitness competition, the 2023 CrossFit Open. If she wins she will be dubbed The Fittest Woman on Earth.

She is set to be one of the top female entrants. She has done well in this competition in the past and is renowned for being strong, fit, fast and having a fierce, never-give-up mindset. Fans fill overseas stadiums to see her sweat, climb ropes, and lift heavy barbells.

I caught up with Simmonds via zoom. She shares inspirational advice, but also who inspires her. She also gives tips to fellow athletes in her sport and answers 11 questions in-depth, sharing her views on strong women, and how to fuel your body away from “rubbish diets”.

Simmonds is based in Abu Dhabi, in the United Arab Emirates, where she trains at CrossFit YAS – a community she loves being part of “because everyone is training hard and pursuing something and it’s great to be around”. 

Her husband Elliot is also a CrossFit athlete, but is not competing in the CrossFit Open this year due to recovering from surgery.

In case you are not into the CrossFit craze, it is a style of group fitness that blends movements like weightlifting, kettlebell swinging, gymnastics, rowing, rope climbing, running and burpees. The aim of the sport is to be great at all the disciplines.


Women climbing up rope at crossfit games


The CrossFit Open competition starts off online for CrossFit athletes of all ages, body types, and ability levels on Feb 16 and goes to April 6 in 2023. About 200,000 people take part globally.

There are a series of three workouts over three weeks and everyone registers their scores online. The cream of these athletes from each category goes through to the online quarter finals. There is also an inspirational category for athletes with disabilities.

The next stage of the competition sees the top athletes compete in person in their region. If Jamie makes it through to this stage she will compete in the Oceania competition in Brisbane – the closest she will get to New Zealand as she has no plans to return home currently. 

Then the top athletes from each region go through to compete at the CrossFit Games in Wisconsin in America. This is where a man and woman are named as the winners – or rather in this sport’s lingo: The Fittest Man and Woman on Earth.

Simmonds grew up in Dunedin. She is a former gymnast and rugby player. Muscle-bound and beautiful, she is 163cm tall and 61kg. She says the older CrossFit athletes (called Masters athletes) inspire her and an adaptive female surfer (more on this further below).

But so too does her sister Becky (pictured below).




“When I go home to Dunedin it’s great. Someone might say, don’t I recognise you from somewhere and then they will say ‘oh, aren’t you Becky’s sister’?”

“My little sister Becky is a very dedicated runner. She will put her head down, shut up and do it.”

Simmonds has been publicly on the CrossFit global scene after winning the 2016 Reebok CrossFit Games Open. In 2019 she was the third fittest woman on Earth. In 2020 she finished 12th in stage one of the Games.

Her 2021 season was cut short after week two of the Open when she dislocated her shoulder during some accessory work while training. She says this humbling rebuild back into the sport has made her grateful just to continue to be part of CrossFit on a world stage.

She is excited about the challenge of facing the CrossFit Open competition again this year and feeling as scared as hell. But she loves how it helps her to continue to grow stronger in body – and her mind.

“There is a physical element, but everyone trains hard. Everyone eats well and does the recovery work as much as they can. But when it comes to the comp floor, it’s all a mind game.”

“It’s about having that resilience and going to the last day of the competition and not wanting to get on that assault bike, but you have to pull it from outside of yourself and crank into it.”

Simmonds says the fan base for CrossFit is incredible – particularly for the female athletes.

“It’s one of the few sports events in the world where girls are put at the end because they are the main show. We get more spectators and so we play a big role in it. I think it is because the girls competition seems to be a lot closer and a lot of people come to see this unfold. It’s a sport too where a lot of people know more of the girls than the guys too  – maybe because of social media.


Simmonds answers 11 Questions in her own words:

What do you love most about CrossFit?

I love that anyone can do it. We all do the same workout which can be done by an elite athlete or scaled down and slightly changed for an 80-year-old grandma. I also love the community in Crossfit. Everyone is out to better themselves. All new-comers are welcome making it feel like an inviting community. A lot of people are terrified to start but once they step into a Crossfit box and realise no one is going to judge them and everyones is just there to work hard and get a sweat on, they are hooked. 

What is the hardest thing about this sport?

There are so many disciplines to cover. You cannot just be strong and fit. You have to be agile, coordinated, and able to learn new skills 10 minutes before going onto the competition floor. You have to be adaptable and mentally strong. The hardest thing about Crossfit is finding the balance of your skill set. You do not need to be the best at anything but you cannot be the worst of anything. Consistency always wins in Crossfit. You must have no weaknesses.

CrossFit builds a strong body for women. What is your take on body image with this sport?

Crossfit promotes what your body can do, not how it looks. Now I think this is where it differs from the likes of ‘functional fitness’ or other sports as there is still a big part of looking the part. But with Crossfit there are so many domains that looking the part can be anything. I think it also teaches women and young girls to train hard to be able to do certain movements or lift certain weights rather than to look a certain way. I also think with training, girls learn how to fuel their bodies correctly, teaching them the correct facts of nutrition rather than some of the rubbish you read on the internet. 

What advice would you give to young women getting into this sport?

Firstly, find a gym that suits you, fits your personality, has people you look forward to seeing and people who want to help you to get better. Secondly, take it step-by-step; There is no need to master everything in one day. Thirdly, enjoy it! And fuel your training well. Training is so much more enjoyable when you have the energy to push hard and test yourself in the gym. 

Every year the competition seems to get harder and the weights get heavier. How do you face your fears in the competition?

You have to trust that you have put the work in behind closed doors – and this will all be shown on the competition floor. So you need to have put in the hours. But like any sport, the standard just keeps getting higher. But I think that is the challenge I enjoy. I mean it has kept me coming back for the last 9 years!


Jamie Simmonds at Cross Fit Games


Related WOMAN+ article: The relationship between alcohol and sport.


When the competition hurts what do you think about? Do you use a mantra or saying, or think about anything in particular?

I try to stay in the moment as much as possible but I have always got my family in the back of my head. They have always given me every sporting opportunity I have ever wanted and always supported me 100%. I have also moved my life halfway around the world away from home to pursue Crossfit. So I best make the most of it. I like to keep the mantra of die trying as I train and compete – as it is hard to beat someone who does not give up. I try to always give my full effort and after that there is not much else you can do.

You are an inspirational athlete. But what females inspire you and why?

There are so many out there. When I was younger I loved the Bethany Hamilton story. She lost her arm in a shark attack and still managed to come back and win many world titles, without losing a stride in her step. Now that is not even blinking an eye at adversity. I think it is really inspiring because there was not a moment of her feeling sorry for herself. It teaches us to never play the victim.



I have also always looked up to the Black Ferns. I always wanted to be one after 15 years of playing rugby. Those girls are tough and know how to turn it on when needed.

What are your hopes and dreams for the future?

I do not know. I do not tend to look too far ahead. One day I want to be back home in New Zealand with my husband Elliot, living a simple life and probably helping others live happier and healthier lives through fitness.

What is your favourite message you have received on social media from a female fan?

I think it is cool when you get messages that younger girls have watched you compete and want to try CrossFfit or start a sport. The more kids I can inspire to enjoy fitness and exercise, the better.

How could CrossFit be better in the future for women?

I do not know. I think it is pretty good for women right now. 

What do you most want to be remembered for?

For always giving it my all but having a good time while I am at it.


7 tips for anyone competing in the CrossFit Open


1.   Do not put pressure on yourself. 

See it as a workout that you do as hard as you can and do not leave disappointed. Know that you have given it your all. It does not matter if you come last. It matters that you tried your hardest.

2.   Be smart and have a plan. 

You do not want to do a 20 minute workout and die in the first two minutes.

3.   At the end of the day, enjoy it. “It’s just fitness”.

Have fun.

4.   This is a challenge of what your mind and body can do. 

Get outside your comfort zone.

5.   If you are doing a lift then “gee up a bit” (get excited). 

With longer workouts, trust that you have done the training to get through it.

6.   You do not want to get off the floor thinking you could have done more.

Give it everything.

7.   You learn about yourself when you get out of your comfort zone. 

It’s character building.


Learn More Here

The Untold Story Of NZDating.com

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The local founder of a extremely popular dating site shares the secret to becoming a  matchmaker to thousands of Kiwis.

The New Zealand-owned website NZDating.com has been playing Cupid and romantically connecting Kiwis for 25 years.

Currently, the dating site has had more than 2.1 million profiles created and in its prime clocked up nearly 160 million page views and visits each month.

It continues to not only survive but thrive despite the threat of popular international dating apps like Tinder and Grindr. The bona fide Kiwi brand is a success story; as lucrative as some of our top online companies and provides the much-needed service of connecting lonely Kiwis with each other.

Then why isn’t NZDating.com a highly regarded brand like L&P or Air New Zealand?

“Because I think people don’t appreciate the value of an online dating community,” explains co-founder John, a father of two from Wellington.



“It stems from the early days when we were under the radar and people seemed reluctant or embarrassed. They didn’t want to be involved due to a lack of understanding of the service that something like an online dating website can provide. But once they joined, they didn’t feel that way because they found other people looking for companionship. It’s now normal and become mainstream.”

The site continues to have hundreds of thousands of daily page views and has maintained its more than two million profiles. That is the very reason why John, and his staff of two, want to keep their anonymity.

Established in 1997, this is the first interview John has given about the Wellington-based company, and only agreed to talk if we refrain from publishing his surname.

“We are all staff members with children. We’ve tried to stay out of the limelight and remain anonymous because you’re dealing with such a vast amount of our population. We don’t want our work spilling into our personal lives. Besides, who wants to be a Mark Zuckerburg?” 

The 51-year-old was in his twenties and studying engineering and computer science when the internet and digital boom happened in the late-nineties. John and his friend wanted to cash in on the new technology.

“The things that we identified as being big were search engines, sports sites, start-up pages – and online dating. We wanted to build on all of these things.”

Initially, the pair worked on creating a local New Zealand search engine and then realised that they couldn’t compete with international companies like Google or Yahoo. They decided to focus on a local dating site.

They bought NZDating from another local company in 1997, which, at the time, had only 5,000 profiles. They further developed and expanded the site.


Man and women holding hands in front of candle lit dinner



They offered free membership and an option of a paid premium subscription for additional functions. Their aim was to not only provide an online platform for people to meet and fall in love, but also build a community.

“We wanted it to reflect New Zealand because that was going to be our point of difference. It was for your neighbour, your family member, the farmers in small towns who would benefit from having an online place to hang out and make new friends.”

NZDating.com grew in popularity and became the second most visited locally-owned website in New Zealand, constantly maintaining more than 100 million page visits each month. With huge numbers of traffic, the site drew in huge corporate advertisers. They even turned down offers to buy the company from overseas entities toremain 100 percent Kiwi owned. 

Ten years ago, the site introduced a function, asking people who left the site the reason why they cancelled their membership. More than 135,000 people said it was because they had fallen in love and met the person of their dreams.

“We couldn’t compete against the world, so we were trying to figure out what other Kiwis needed to find other Kiwis,” John explains.

“We had a key point of difference. Most mainstream dating sites were pitching to be the place where you could find someone to get married to in a very serious way. Kiwis are not like that. We want to make friends first and hope it develops. So, we wanted to create a space that’s accepting of all different personalities and all different types of people, where Kiwis can have fun. If something meaningful comes out of that, then that’s great!”

When the founders started NZDating.com, they were both in relationships and had children, so they didn’t need to use a dating site to find their own companions. In fact, coming from a computer science and engineering background, John admits that they weren’t very romantic.

“It’s really hard to define because romance and love are abstract concepts for engineers like us. What we were trying to achieve with NZDating is to facilitate interactions. ”

Any online service comes with pitfalls and dangers. Throughout the years, NZDating has appeared in media reports about people using the site to lure victims of crimes like fraud, dishonesty, and sexual assault.

“In NZDating’s 25-year history, and with the over 2 million accounts created in reality there have been very few cases of criminal activity. Any mention of NZDating in news articles is likely to relate to our involvement in assisting police in resolving situations occurring offline,” John explains.

He says member safety is their number one priority. They have implemented extra safeguards to protect their members.

“We provide comprehensive automated systems to prevent misuse of the service, and responsive administrators to action issues if they do occur. We also make it easy for members to cease interactions with any person they feel isn’t suitable or meet the traits they are looking for,”

“With so many members, however, we occasionally may get troublesome members attempting to use NZDating. In these cases, our reporting tools make it extremely easy for any issue to be brought to our attention. In addition, we have worked closely with police and other agencies whereby we share our technical knowledge to prevent issues before they happen and assist police where appropriate in their inquiries to identify or locate offenders.”

He says members are given additional tools to help protect themselves.

“At every opportunity NZDating provides members tips and advice around the ‘dos and don’ts’, to ensure sensible participation within all online communities.”

John says that his team constantly receives positive feedback from the thousands of people – straight, bi, gay, trans – who have met and fallen in love because of NZDating.

Hearing their stories makes John feel like a modern-day Cupid.

“My job makes me mindful about having good connections with people. It makes me appreciate how lucky I am to have been with someone for 27 years. There are a lot of lonely people out there in the world and it’s great to know that I am helping them.” 


How To Land The Perfect Date

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February is the month of love, and it can be a reminder of the abundance of love that you are grateful for in your life. Or it can be a cruel reminder of what you crave.

Finding your perfect match in the online world can feel overwhelming – especially if you have not been dating in a while due to a dating hiatus, divorce, or “just because” …

To make this world easier for you to navigate, we spoke with Lucille McCart, (pictured below) who is Bumble’s APAC (Asia Pacific) Communications Director, who shares her best tips on how to land the perfect date.


Lucille McCart in front of monsterra plant and fern
Lucille McCart


Bumble by the way is the women-first dating and social networking app, which was founded by Whitney Wolfe Herd in 2014. So, it is all about women making the first move in heterosexual connections (i.e. they swipe right first). While anyone can make the first move in non-binary or gay relationships. This app is all about fostering equitable and healthy relationships.


Related article : How dating app Bumble made Whitney Wolfe Herd a self-made billionaire

The first and most crucial step to landing the perfect date is setting up a great profile online. If you are too shy to do it then ask your best friend to create it. They will likely rave about you easier than you would about yourself.

Use all the “real estate” on the Bumble site, says McCart. What she means by this is use 3-6 pictures of yourself, fill out a great bio and add as many “badges” as possible. Lifestyle badges are things like adding your height, star sign, whether you have children or not, to what kind of relationship you are seeking. Then add “interest badges” for example things like cooking, gardening or specific music you love. These details show some of your personality.

“The more specific you are the better. Sometimes women might be hesitant to be too specific in case that rules people out. But there’s value in ruling people out. The aim of the game is to rule people out.

“It shouldn’t be about making 100 matches. Five matches that are compatible and are of a good quality are better.

“If you enjoy having a cup of tea on a Friday night rather than clubbing, say that. Be open and honest. Be authentic.”

Once your profile is sorted then McCart wants to share some tips around who you should swipe right on. You get to choose the age range you are open to dating and what km distance range a date can live from you i.e. do you want to date someone you can see regularly? Or are you okay about a long distance relationship?

“Open casting” is important. It is time to do away with the tall, dark and handsome Hollywood-style specifications. Date beyond your “type”. So do not set your focus on appearance, but rather focus on emotional maturity.


Hand holding a phone using bumble app


If you are shy about chatting to someone then use the app’s “question prompts”. These are handy for breaking the ice.

When it comes time to date, think outside the old-fashioned way too. You do not have to do dinner or a movie. You can choose to go for a walk, a coffee or do a video chat online instead.

McCart notes that it is easy to extend a coffee date too with another coffee if you think the date is going well.

“It’s easier than committing to a two hour dinner.”

A video chat prior to meeting can also help you to suss out if you want to meet up in real life.

If it has been a while since you have been dating then you are not alone. McCart says there is a “dating renaissance”.

She says 39% of users on Bumble say they have ended a serious relationship or marriage in the last two years.

“There are a lot of people dating online for the first time and feeling a bit of a novice”.

“It’s okay to feel like it’s new”.

If this sounds like you, then McCart says remember to give yourself a break if you need it.

The ultimate start to a good relationship is loving yourself first also, says McCart. You need self-love in order to love somebody else.

Self-love at its core is about putting yourself first and being in touch with your own needs, and this can look different to different people.

Self-love is hot right with the new Miley Cyrus song Flowers, which is an ode to self-love.


Miley Cyrus Flowers Song cover



Cyrus sings, “I can buy myself flowers. Write my name in the sand. Talk to myself for hours, see things you don’t understand. I can take myself dancing, and I can hold my own hand. Yeah, I can love me better than you can.”

Indulging in self-love this February has even been promoted by some top brands and companies like the QT Hotels and Resorts New Zealand. They have partnered with No Ugly libido tonic to give you everything you need for a libido-lifting luxury night of satisfaction – for yourself only – or with a lover. The hotel’s clever marketing team is calling it a Do Not Disturb Package and removing the hush-hush around the ultimate rush.


Women laying in bed with leg up and book 'The Gentlewoman' in hand.



While the Bendon lingerie brand is aware of the rise in this self-love trend too. They had self-love message boards at their recent Valentine’s Day edit launch, partnering with the Karen Murrell natural lipstick brand. Bendon has cute heart-inspired bras and knicker sets that you can buy to feel beautiful for “yourself”, or to share with someone you love, of course. Customers purchasing over $80 of lingerie get to walk away with “true love” too – that is the name of Karen Murrell’s lipstick you get to keep (until stocks last, of course). This lipstick is pictured below along with the lingerie mentioned.



The self-love message board at the Bendon event in Auckland asked shoppers to put a post-it note in response to the question: “Tell us what you love about yourself?” 

So the message is clear: 2023 is set to be an inspired self-love year. It is more important to date yourself first – before worrying if you want to try and land the perfect date for you.

In a recent Bumble Self-Love Report (conducted in January on a sample of 1008 single Kiwis aged over 18 years), it was confirmed that positive self-love can lead to more equitable relationships, better connections, greater sexual confidence and the ability to emotionally connect better with partners.

A massive 73% of single Kiwis strongly believe that having high self-love is one of the best ways to set yourself up for a healthy relationship.

While, 66% agree that when you have higher levels of self-love you are more likely to feel equal in your romantic relationships.

The report found that the number one way single Kiwis use to practise self-love is time out to themselves (70%), followed by time with family and friends (55%), and exercise (50%).

In the report, a third of single Kiwis said they practise self-love through self-care routines like beauty treatments, skincare treatments and massages (34%), travel (30%), or having strong boundaries (30%).

Almost one in three (31%) of single Kiwis practise self-love through self-pleasure and masturbation. Millennials are the most likely to say so (31%) followed closely by Gen Z (28%) and Gen X (26%).

Meanwhile, McCart says working on your self-love journey can take time.

“Having high self-love isn’t as easy as just waking up one day and deciding to love yourself. We are all stressed, time poor, have financial worries, feel overwhelmed, and sometimes feel unworthy of giving ourselves that time and focus. Sometimes we just don’t know where to start. But everyone deserves to have a loving, happy and peaceful relationship with their own self, as well as with a romantic partner if that is what they desire.

“If you are dating at the same time as building up or trying to improve your self-love, it is really important to take things slow and be kind to yourself in the process. The best advice I ever received in this area was to talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend – and try not to allow negative thoughts or inner dialogue that you would deem too mean or unkind to say to your bestie. We all need to be so much kinder to ourselves, and this is one small way to start.”

Here is the Bumble app if you want to try it.

Or two others to try:

Tinder. 
Anyone can make the first move on this app.

Hinge:
You get a message on this app if someone comments or likes your profile.

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